Giving Up for Christ

Ash Wednesday is tomorrow and Lent begins... Lent is a season of soul-searching and repentance. It is a season for reflection and taking stock. What are YOUR plans during Lent? Are you giving something up? Or maybe praying daily for someone?

Q: What are appropriate activities for ordinary days during Lent?

A: Giving up something we enjoy for Lent, doing of physical or spiritual acts of mercy for others, prayer, fasting, abstinence, going to confession, and other acts expressing repentance in general.

Q: Is the custom of giving up something for Lent mandatory?

A: No. However, it is a salutary custom, and parents or caretakers may choose to require it of their children to encourage their spiritual training, which is their prime responsibility in the raising of their children.

I have thought a lot about what I am going to give up during this time and I came up with 2 things that are causing me to falter in my walk with God.

1. Give up all soda - I drink this in excess and it is becoming detrimental to my health. The soda controls me instead of me controling it.

2. Swearing - I have a horrible mouth and truly need to Sanctify my mouth. Bite my tongue until it bleeds.

Q: Is there such a thing as denying ourselves too many pleasures?

A: Most definitely. First, God made human life contingent on certain goods, such as food, and to refuse to enjoy enough of them has harmful consequences. For example, if we do not eat enough food it can cause physical damage or (in the extreme, even death). Just as there is a balance between eating too much food and not eating enough food, there is a balance involved in other goods.

Second, if we do not strike the right balance and deny ourselves goods God meant us to have then it can generate resentment toward God, which is a spiritual sin just as much as those of engaging in excesses of good things. Thus one can be led into sin either by excess or by defect in the enjoyment of good things.

Third, it can decrease our effectiveness in ministering to others.

Fourth, it can deprive us of the goods God gave us in order that we might praise him.

Fifth, it constitutes the sin of ingratitude by refusing to enjoy the things God wanted us to have because he loves us. If a child refused every gift his parent gave him, it would displease the parent, and if we refuse gifts God has given us, it displeases God because he loves us and wants us to have them.

"Lent offers us all a very special opportunity to grow in our relationship with God and to deepen our commitment to a way of life, rooted in our baptism. In our busy world, Lent provides us with an opportunity to reflect upon our patterns, to pray more deeply, experience sorrow for what we've done and failed to do, and to be generous to those in need."

I am wishing you time of blessings and prayer during the next 40 days! So, would you like to share with me what you are planning to do during Lent?

Shackles

After an incredible weekend listening to Beth Moore speak.... I can't get one of the worship songs out of my head. I keep humming it over and over! It's one of those that explains your life, that makes you tap your foot, and bounce your head! Not to mention raise you hands to God feeling free! So... Now I will share it with you!

Shackles by Mary Mary

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
(what’cha wanna do? )
I just wanna praise you
(yeah, yeah)
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
(uh feel me? )
And I’m gonna praise you
(what’cha gondo? )
I’m gonna praise you

In the corners of my mind
I just can’t seem to find a reason to believe
That I can break free
Cause you see I have been down for so long
Feel like all hope is gone
But as I lift my hands, I understand
That I should praise you through my circumstance

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
I just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I’m gonna praise you
I’m gonna praise you

Everything that could go wrong
All went wrong at one time
So much pressure fell on me
I thought I was gonlose my mind
But I know you wanna see
If I will hold on through these trials
But I need you to lift this load
Cause I can’t take it no more

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
I just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I’m gonna praise you
I’m gonna praise you

Been through the fire and the rain
Bound in every kind of way
But God has broken every chain
So let me go right now

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
I just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I’m gonna praise you
I’m gonna praise you
(repeat x3)

Take them off
What’cha gonna do, yeah

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
I just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I’m gonna praise you
I’m gonna praise you

Hungry for God?

After my post the other day.. I thought the devotional I got today was so fitting to share!!!

Hungry for God
by John Fischer

Our ministry is to serve the needs of believers; our mission is to serve the needs of those who are not presently Christians. The latter can present a problem. You can’t really serve someone if you don’t know them, but being in relationship with those who aren’t Christians can be dangerous. Old habits and old ways of life can come back to haunt us when we are around people who don’t share our desire to follow Christ.

For this reason it may be necessary to keep only Christian friends for a season, but the goal for us all is to be stronger than this. God didn’t save us and leave us on earth to band together and live nice, safe little Christian lives until He returns or we die, whichever comes first. We are here to share the good news of God’s forgiveness with those who don’t know about it yet, and we can’t do that without getting close to people who need it. We need to be close enough to people to know them, love them, identify with their need, and serve them without judging them or losing our own hold on Christ.

How will we do this? A couple suggestions to think about today:

1) don’t ever forget we are all sinners in need of salvation. This will help keep us from a self-righteous and judgmental attitude. We never have a perfect day; we encounter our own need to be saved all the time, because we all sin and fall short of God’s glory. We lead people to Christ, not by reaching down to them from a place of invulnerable perfection, but as one hungry person showing another where the food is.

2) Remember that sin entraps everyone. Our friends who are resistant to Christianity may very well have a soft heart to God and the truth but it’s covered up by a host of things that blind us all like fear, failure, addictions and all sorts of false coping mechanisms. Success, power and wealth can blind us just as easily. We need to ask God for the ability to look past all these distractions to the heart, because at the heart, everyone is hungry for God. We were created that way.

Lord, teach us to see people as you see them. May we not give in to the things that once entrapped us. Make us keen to the lie and hungering for the truth today, and help us to find it even in those who don’t know you. Remind us that we are all children when it comes to you, even the toughest among us. Show us how to love everyone and stay true to you.

Interactive Johari Window

The Johari Window was invented by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in the 1950s as a model for mapping personality awareness. By describing yourself from a fixed list of adjectives, then asking your friends and colleagues to describe you from the same list, a grid of overlap and difference can be built up.

Go to THIS page and pick 5 or 6 words that describe you... then past your link back on my blog under comments and I will add my thoughts too!!!

Here is Mine for you to add your description of me!

Reaching out....

As a Christian how are you reaching out to others? Many Christians keep themselves in a close knit circle only being friends and helping other Christians! But, is that really what God calls us to do? Close off people who are NOT Christians? Or maybe make our walk a little harder? I have recently found myself to be feeling a bit "too" comfortable in my surroundings yet stepping out seems absolutely scary! Having been a Christian a full year now, I have made friends with woman through out my church and Mops. All God loving woman.... But.. I do have several close "old" friends who have yet to accept Christ, But the catch here is they knew me before I accepted Christ thus I feel comfortable with them. Do we only reach out a helping hand to people in our small group? Or do you stretch it and try to reach out to people who do not know Christ's love like the Bible calls us too? For me, it's scary. Will I be taken advantage of? Will they ask me questions I can't answer? What if God's light isn't shining through me? What if they become a stumbling block for me, or me for them? Sigh... It is such a delicate thread to try and balance on. EGR = Extra Grace Required yep.. Everybody has them.. People in their lives who need a little EGR! I have one right now that is truly skating down my very last nerve. Mostly it's their behavior and I am having to take many many deep breaths. I like her and all, it's just well... Her personality and mine clash slightly! LOL.... I guess that's putting it nicely huh? I am praying for her though and praying for myself in dealing with her! I placed the relationship in God's hands in hopes he will take care of it and move it where ever it needs to go. I think this is another reason I am scared to reach out into the unknown.... They may become my next EGR! Seriously.. What if I reach out to someone and they drive me crazy?? What if they................. The list could get long here! Sigh.... "God help me out here!!! Pack up all my judgments, frustrations, open nerves and send them away. Allow me to accept people for all they show themselves to be. Help me to love everyone even if they are different from me, even if they don't believe what I believe, even if drive me crazy! I am opening up both hands lord, and handing over all my relationships, allowing you to take the reins and steer me in the right direction! It's in your son's name we pray - Amen"

Superficial Religious Badge...

How do you wear your badge?

What exactly does it mean to wear a superficial religious badge...

All my life one thing I have always been told is that I am "real". Take it or leave it I am who I am. At times this hasn't been a good thing, but often it is. I never pretend to be someone I'm not. Nor do I feel like I need to wear a special badge that screams out I have it all together! I guess, I don't understand why some people feel they must? We recently discussed this during a bible study, and maybe it's because I haven't been a Christian long enough? I am still new enough that I don't feel the need to say I know it all? I totally get God?

One day I may look back at this point and say.. ohhhh totally wore my badge today But I am hoping I never have too!

This is what we were reading to start this conversation:

Catalyst: Groupzine a study for next generation leaders

Page:105

One of 4 occupational hazards that spiritual leaders often face: Listed below is just one of those

The spiritual professional:

"We perceive spirituality as our job. As a spiritual "professional", we view our realtionship with God and others as our job. We attempt to feed others something we're not consuming ourselves. Those who are invovled in ministry, whether as a volunteer or as a pastor, are most susceptible to this. Our spirituality becomes a 9 am to 5 pm deal, or an "every Sunday" event where we try to turn on our relationship with God on demand. Since people expect us to be "spiritual" , we fall into the trap of saying the right spiritual cliche at the right time to meet those expectations. Our life is no longer filled with genuine love for God, but rather with appropriate expressions of spirituality."

So today... tomorrow and the day after that.. work totake off your spiritual badge! Be real with those around you. People are more likely to see Christ working through you when your not pretending to be something your not.

Yeah for hump Day!

Yeah.. I made it to Wednesday. I had an insane week last week. Giving my testimony on Saturday went better than I could have expected. The responses were great... My testimony was given not to be enjoyed but to learn from it. God knows I have learned a lot from it! LOL.... Our weekend was non stop with Tea & Treasures, 2 birthday parties plus we worked both services at Church. Then Tuesday was a Mops meeting so I think today is the first day I have sat still for more than 10 minutes.

Oh and joy of all joy... Bible study is at my house tonight and it seriously looks like a tornado struck my house. Bahhh... whoops! Oh well... I have the afternoon right?

The count down to Lori leaving is on! 6 days... ugh.. The packers are there as we speak. She is in a tunnel. I feel so bad as everyone is thinking about themselves and what they are loosing but we are only loosing one person, Lori is loosing all of us and heading to an unknown place. Well, not totally unknown I mean her brother lives near by.... but you all know how it is with family!!! eeekkkk.....
I am coming to a better place with her leaving although I am deeply sad, I know we will stay in touch (since I taught her to use IM and all). Now we both just need to invest in a webcam. Also I am realizing that I kind of latched on to her and maybe didn't give my fullest attention to other people around me, so plan on trying to deppen some friendships that may currently be just surface friendships. If that makes any sense whats so ever! Yesterday was her last Mops meeting which will just be weird as I don't know the new coordinator as well, and Lori was my sounding board for everything I did with the Moppets. I am excited to see what God has in store for Lori in Colorado - did I mention that's where the Mops Headquaters are????? And also what he has in store for our friendship, and my time here in Columbus! It will be very interesting indeed!
So for now we won't say goodbye but rather just See you later!!

I have another busy weekend ahead of me! So hopefully I will get another chance to blog soon!

Can a Tuesday actually be worse than a Monday?

BLAH.............................. There it is, can you see it?? I just vomited all over the page! Now, I am not talking about sick vomit I am more talking like one of those minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, life, type of vomit! I just had one of those days where I seriously should have just gone back to bed! My day was... moody.. irritable... depressing!

So my good friend.. no my best friend here in Columbus, Lori is moving on the 21st. sigh.. Seriously just typing that makes me cry. Her husband is Air Force and after 3 years here they are off to Colorado Springs. I try to keep picturing what life here without will be like and honestly it is beyond depressing. Lori was my first friend here, and she scooped me up and took me and my family in. Sigh... I feel like without her here why stay.. BUT... God keeps yelling back at me that my time here isn't done yet just her's. humph.... Some days I really wish I were deaf. Lori is one of those people who is a soul shifter. Her smile lights up every room she walks in too. Compassion oozes from her pores. Her laughter is contagious - One that echo's through out the house and gives you giggles when you hear it. Lori is raw, real, humble, brillant, honest, & worthy. My friendship with her has been life altering, life shaking, life waking. She held my hand as I reached up to Christ, and even when it shooked she held tight and safely placed my heart into God's hands. She has been the big sister I have always dreamed of having. The most amazing thing about Lori is she knows my deepest darkest secrets yet she still loves me, to me that is what a true friend is all about.

I am sad............................ I think it stinks and I am stamping my foot on the ground and throwing a temper tantrum like a 3 year old. Pout..... There should be a law against your favorite friends moving away. I think I might need to out law it here in Mississippi and FAST. The 21st is days away. Honestly, I'm scared I just won't be able to do this Christian thing without her. (yikes did I seriously just type that? maybe I should delete it?) I know life will go on but my life will never be the same.

My child was a weepy emotional mess today. Ugh.. is this normal for 3 year old boy's? Holy sensitive boy. Maybe he too realizes his friends Kendall, Garrett, and Dillion are leaving him too. He has been so clingy the past few days. I feel like I just need space to breathe. God love him...

Saturday is our Mops tea & treasure, and I am sharing my testimony. This is not something you can really practice. This is something you must pray deeply about. My story isn't pretty. It is raw.. real.. emotional.. overwhelming even for me. I wear my heart on my sleeve along with my hurts and accomplishments. There will be 3 of us speaking and by far mine is the "ugliest". Each one is just so different it is amazing how God does that, and I am hoping that we each connect with at least one person in that room. I am praying, I am stressing, I need to pray and just turn it over to God but I am struggling with that. I need to trust in HIM and less in me. Ugh.. why is that so easy in thought yet so hard to accomplish???

Good Night my friends.. my Wednesday actually feel like a Wednesday!

Gosh when did my life get so boring?

So I got a note today that I needed to update my blog. I have been sitting here thinking what I have to write about, and honestly I can't come up with anything interesting. WHEN did my life get so boring.. so BLAH????

Alex and I are home sick with head colds. He was up at 4am vomiting snot. Always lovely. I have no energy to clean or do laundry and he refuses to nap. Ahhhh the life of a three year old. Such joys!

We once again are working with the March Of Dimes. Alex will be the Ambassador for the Columbus walk on April 2nd. We went yesterday to the kick off for fundraising and of course Alex was my ham. Eating up the people and the camera too! He is beyond my expectations. I am hoping to out do myself from last year. My goal for Spring 2006 is 1500.00. It will be a stretch but one I am going for! If you would like to donate or walk with us please visit our walk page!

Will update again soon!

Who would have thought it!

God truly blows my mind every day. Honestly... I started working in November for my church 12 hours a week as the office assistant. I figured this would be an "easy" job and something for me to fill time while Alex was at preschool. Plus the extra money was very much needed. God took that "thought" and blew it out of the water. Technically this is right up my alley. The computer, organization, etc is what I have trained to do. BUT, it's the other side of my job I did not expect. Spiritually it has given me such a deeper look into why I have chosen God as my Father. I have also taken huge strides in my every day life. Small things like the way I parent Alex, or tackle our bills, or my household chores. Even how I am as a wife. It's as if the dots are connecting and starting to actually draw me a picture of what a life with Christ actually looks like. I really look forward to coming to work and to see what God has in store for me next. Let me just say... it is not always easy things either. For me there has been a lot of gut checking and things like that. I love how God always hands me the unexpected! Amazing.......

A friendly Reminder from God!

Yep.. yesterday God decided to let me know he hears me! I had a SERIOUS God moment.

A little back ground... Rick and I are struggling financially and have been for some time. We have been praying a lot lately about it and really trying to turn it over to God.

I was at my office yesterday and the phone rings and it's my old co-worker Michelle from California (who I haven't spoken to in 6 months, and I have no clue how she got my work number)! We small talk some and then she busts out with that she was in deep prayer the other day and God told her to send me money.................................................... UHHH WHAT???????????

She responds that God placed my name before her and that God said I was hurting for money and that she should send me some.

Shocked doesn't even begin to describe my emotions. Floored..... agast.... blown away... Yeah.... totally!!!!

So she is sending me a check.... whoa......

God really does talk to people if you listen.. and God really does hear you if you pray and have faith!

The Martha is Mightier than the sword!

Make your name a slogan.... let me know what you get!

A silly game for a Saturday!

Anger

Why is it I get so easily irritated with others. It is not as if I expect perfection as I am far from perfect and have my own faults. I just get angry... When I am not listened too! It's as if I speak and they act like they hear me yet their actions speak so much louder than my own words. I HATE being dismissed because I am a female, because they have their own agenda, or because I am younger than them. Don't ask me what I want and then do your own thing anyway - how irritating!!!! It just PISSES me off!

Another thing that makes me MAD is when people are time wasters! Like you have something great planned yet they don't plan in advance, wait till the last minute and then rush around like an idiot, forget 1/2 of what they need and then blame me for it because they were "rushed". If you ask me what time do you want to leave and I say 8:00. That means I will be in the car ready to go at 8:00 NOT 10:30 people!!! PLAN IN ADVANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

While I am on a bitchfest and working some aggression out here let me just say I cannot stand it when people act like their marriage is bliss or try to give Rick and I marital advice when they have NUMEROUS affairs in their history that they don't know WE KNOW ABOUT!!!! Grrr do they think we are stupid??? Makes me MAD!!!!!

Oh and just a little news flash, when I am pissed off.. DON'T TOUCH ME!!!!!! It just makes me even madder. I am NOT a touchy feely type of person, I have serious person space issues and if you enter my space you might get smacked!!!! The only person allowed to enter my space is my husband. That's it.. No one else!

Ohhh..... I think I could go on and on but something inside me is just telling me to stop. I know God wants me to just let it all go but I find that so hard. It's like a wound and it is just full of puss, itchy, and annoying. I truly want to let this anger fade away I guess I just don't know how. Maybe, just maybe... Writing it all out here will help it start to heal..................

Sigh...... Guess I will go shower and try to wash my ugly mood away!

Yikes, I fell off the wagon!

Merry Christmas & Happy 2006 everyone! Yep, I fell off the Blogging wagon once again but this time I have a really good excuse. I was in California for 11 days. Kinda tough to blog when your that far away from your computer. In all my traveling I normally never have a hard time with jet lag. This time upon arriving home it killed me. I have been just utterly exhausted all week. Like crawl into bed and never come out exhausted.

My Christmas was wonderful, only would have been better by having a white Christmas in New Hampshire surrounded by my own family instead of my husband's. Coming form a big family our Christmas's are just so different. We come from just a huge tradition and everyone knows all the "rules". Like never, ever, getting up in the middle of someone opening a gift. I know all silly petty things.... I really need to get over it! LOL....

We spent 2 days in the winter wonderland of Lake Tahoe! Ohhh fresh snow had just fallen and I was seriously in HEAVEN! It was gorgeous. Alex was just soo excited and would have played in the snow for hours on end IF a heated pool and hot tub weren't inches away. YEP... We went in a heated pool and hot tub outside in 30 degree weather. It was beyond cool! Alex thought it was the greatest thing ever. We had snow ball fights, built sad little snowmen, went sledding, and ate good food. I was so sad to leave as we had only been there just over 24 hours, I seriously could have stayed my entire vacation there. Sigh......

We also got to enjoy an incredible meal with 9 of our closest friends at the Melting Pot. IF you have one of these restaurants near you and you haven't gone yet... RUN don't walk! Personally my favorite part is the dessert. yuummmmmmmmmmmm nothing like warm, rich chocolate sauce dripping off a cool, crisp, fresh strawberry. I was in food bliss.

Until the next morning when my husband got the stomach flu..... My bliss quickly went out the window after that! Lol...

Give a gift....

Most of our giving at Christmas involves an even exchange of gifts—something appropriate to the friendship or the family connection. We sometimes base our gifts on what we received the year before. But the Bible talks about giving as well to those who can’t give anything back. This is the way God gave that first Christmas. He owes us nothing, yet He has given us everything in His only Son, and He asks for nothing other than for us to believe it and receive it. We, in turn, can give nothing back that comes anywhere near the value of His gift to us. The closest we can come is to give Him our own lives in service and obedience, which in truth is all that we have. Which makes our service not a duty, but a gift. Not an obligation, but a joy. Our service to God is our gift back. It’s nothing we can buy and wrap up. It costs more than that.

This Christmas, as you work on your lists, think of giving to someone who is not in a position to give back. And do it quietly, perhaps even anonymously, so that the person receiving feels no obligation to the giver. This will give us a small taste of what God feels all the time.

The streets are very dirty; my shoes are very thin.
I have a little pocket to put a penny in.
If you haven't got a penny, a ha' penny will do.
If you haven't got a ha' penny then God bless you.

Being lifted up in prayer...........

Thank you Renee...............


Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the blessing that Martha has been in my life, for her
honesty, for her openness, and for her ability to be direct and
straightforward.

Father, you know what Martha is dealing with at this point in her
life, as a wife, as a mother, and as your child. Father, direct her
steps, show her the way in which to walk. Let her hear your voice in
her ear, saying "this is the way, walk in it."

Show her your tenderness and mercy and help her to distinguish your
voice from that of the enemy. Give Martha the ability to see herself as
you see her, as your precious child, adored, precious in your sight and
loved beyond anything she could ever imagine.

Father, you have promised to supply all of our needs according to your
riches in glory and to pour out peace, patience, joy, and love wherever
your spirit dwells. Your spirit dwells within Martha; please honor your
promises to her, let her see the mark of your hand in her life. Show
her the purpose that you have for her, and give her the ability to turn
to you in every circumstance she faces.

Father, as Alex's mother, help her to raise and nurture him in ways
that will cause him to love and serve only you. Give her respect for
Rick as his wife, in ways that neither of them have ever imagined. Make
her heart sensitive to your calling and give her a desire to spend time
with you.

Father, please enrich their finances. Give Rick wisdom and knowledge
as the spiritual leader of their home that their money may be spent
wisely in ways that honor you and serve your purposes. Father, help
Martha to honor his decisions and to fully participate in financial
planning for their family. Give her a new willingness to find ways to
save money and to avoid spending.

Father, thank you for the daycare situation Alex has. He has opened up
and grown up so much in the past months, and I know that you have a
plan for his future, to give him hope and prosperity and an abundant
life in you. Help him to keep to your paths of righteousness. Let him
clearly hear your voice. Speak into his life and give him ears to hear.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

My worst Mommy Moment!

Friday at about 11:20am I had my WORST Mommy moment. I live on a long hill with my mailbox at the bottom so I always stop to grab the mail while either coming or going. I had Alex and we were running home for lunch before heading off to run an arm full of errands. I jumped out quickly and left Alex in the car seat, with the engine running. When I returned.... yep.. you guessed it I had hit the lock button with my arm and my dear lil' 3 year old was now locked inside the van! UGH.... my cell phone, house keys, everything was IN the van. I tried to get Alex to unbuckle himself but he doesn't know how. He was calm while I was freaking out. I raced up the hill and thanked the lord for having me put a spare key in my laundry room... I grabbed my phone and dialed Rick's work number. As I raced down the hill.. THANK YOU GOD for allowing my cordless to reach all the way to the bottom (which it never has before). Lori called in the midst of my panic and I had her call our friend from church Laura, who's husband is a locksmith. She sent him right over.... mean while, I cried and freaked out and Alex just sat happily in the car laughing at me. Tom arrived and had Alex out in minutes. YEAH.. praise God for small miracles. He assured me that almost every Mama does it at least once. As far as I am concerned I NEVER want to do it again. I now have at least 5 new gray hairs on my head.
It might well have been the longest 20 minutes of my entire life.

Asthma does not mean death sentence!

Woo Hoo! I am not necessarily going to die before I hit 50. Okay a little back ground, I was born with asthma and have been labeled a "severe" asthmatic since I was about 8 years old. I have used every inhaler known to man, and have been on some sort of daily medication since I was 8. About 2 months ago my medication slowly stopped working and I have needed my nebulizer and "rescue" inhaler far more than I care to admit. Let's just say I went through one inhaler in less than 2 weeks were it use to last me 4-6 months. Yeah.. It's been bad. A month ago I ended up in the ER with an "attack" upon arrival my O2 level was sitting in the low 80's. (most people sit between 98 to 100%). I made an appt. With my regular GP, after and tried to explain that I felt my medication was no longer working. What I got in return was a shock. He accused me of not taking my medication properly, or at all. Would not listen to my concerns and told me in front of my 3 year old son that if I didn't start taking my disease seriously I was going to die before I hit 50. I was PISSED... Sad.. Hurt.. Mad... Angry.. Depressed.. Full of anxiety. All of which by the way only make your asthma worse. UGH... After some serious venting to my friend Lori and my Mom, the convinced me to see a Pulmonary specialist. (which in reality I should have been doing all along). I found one and was able to get an appt in under 2 weeks. Thank GOD for small Miracles. I saw him today and he felt horrible for the way I was treated. He said he feels I have some under lying issues that may be making my asthma worse but wanted to concentrate on getting the asthma controlled first. He was nice, listened, gave me full answers, heard my concerns about medications, explained "myths" about things I had heard about certain medications and even gave me documentation to back up what he said. I really LIKED him. YEAH.... He did a lung function test which I passed with flying colors, he said he is shocked but he sees no damage in my lungs from my asthma. YIPPEE........ He did Chest x-rays that showed some scare tissue but not severe, and congestion that was headed towards pneumonia but gave me some meds to help kick it before it got bad. Did I mention he actually listened to me and actually took what I said into consideration. God, did I like that. In most cases I have been an asthmatic longer than these people have been doctors.... Yet they treat me like I am some dumb girl who smokes 2 packs a day and says uhh why am I wheezing?? DOH'! Anyway... I start my new meds tomorrow... Back on the prednisone.. YUCK!!!!!! But, gotta do it! Pray for my husband... He's the one who has to deal with me. I guess this is one less stressor for me... For now!

Oh my Gosh...

Where has the time gone! Okay Okay.. enough e-mails.. I'm alive! Honest.. just really really busy. Well okay I am busy but also I fell into a rut. A spiritual, emotional, nasty old rut. Sigh.. I felt like how could I be spiritual for others when I was feeling so dead. Sadly, not much has changed but I have gotten so many e-mails asking where I am hiding I felt like I needed to address it.

I am now working part-time for our Church (Hope Community Church) as an office assistant. Getting use to my new schedule has been interesting. Of course that meant adding an extra day of preschool for Alex. I was a little sad about that but honestly I didn't have a choice. We NEED the money. Like a serious NEED. Money is a part of a lot of my issues.... I am not sure how much I want to get into that here... but maybe a little later I will share my families struggles. BUT, in the mean time maybe you all could pray for us. Pray for self control, for a better paying job for Rick, for us to get into a budget and stick to it, for our landlord to have mercy on us. I think you get my drift!

I could sit here and list all of the things I need prayers for but during the season of love and giving that just seems wrong.

I think I will try to start journaling more... they may be vague at first or scattered in the mind... BUT, I will try my best. I miss my on-line friends and my freedom to babble, vent, praise, and just be here!

I'm back...... I promise!

Remember, it's almost my birthday...

As you well know, we are getting closer to my birthday. Every year there is a celebration in my honor and I think that this year the celebration will be repeated.
During this time there are many people shopping for gifts, there are many radio announcements, TV commercials, and in every part of the world everyone is talking that my birthday is getting closer and closer.

It is really very nice to know, that at least once a year, some people think of me. As you know, the celebration of my birthday began many years ago. At first people seemed to understand and be thankful of all that I did for them, but in these times, no one seems to know the reason for the celebration.

Family and friends get together and have a lot of fun, but they don't know the meaning of the celebration. I remember that last year there was a great feast in my honor. The dinner table was full of delicious foods, pastries, fruits,
assorted nuts and chocolates. The decorations were exquisite and there were
many, many beautifully wrapped gifts. But, do you want to know something? I wasn't invited. I was the guest of honor and they didn't remember to send me an invitation.

The party was for me, but when that great day came, I was left outside,
they closed the door in my face......... and I wanted to be with them and share their table.

In truth, that didn't surprise me because in the last few years all close their doors to me. Since I was not invited, I decided to enter the party without making any noise. I went in and stood in a corner. They were all drinking; there were some who were drunk and telling jokes and laughing at everything. They were having a great time.

To top it all, this big fat man all dressed in red wearing a long white beard
entered the room yelling Ho-Ho-Ho! He seemed drunk. He sat on the sofa
and all the children ran to him, saying : "Santa Claus, Santa Claus"... as if the party were in his honor!

At 12 midnight all the people began to hug each other ; I extended my arms waiting for someone to hug me and .... do you know .... no one hugged me. Suddenly they all began to share gifts. They opened them one by one with great expectation. When all had been opened, I looked to see if, maybe, there was one for me.

What would you feel if on your birthday everybody shared gifts and you did not get one ? I then understood that I was unwanted at that party and quietly left. Every year it gets worse. People only remember to eat and drink, the gifts, the parties and nobody remembers me. I would like this Christmas that you allow me to enter into your life.

I would like that you recognize the fact that almost two thousand years ago I came to this world to give my life for you, on the cross, to save you. Today, only want that you believe this with all you heart. I want to share something with you. As many didn't invite me to their party, I will have my own celebration, a grandiose party that no one has ever imagined, a spectacular party. I'm still making the final arrangements. Today I am sending out many invitations and there is an invitation for you. I want to know if you wish to attend and I will make a reservation for you and write your name with golden letters in my great guest book.

Only those on the guest list will be invited to the party. Those who don't answer the invitation, will be left outside. Do you know how you can answer this invitation? it is by extending it to invite me in your heart and by extending to the......others whom you care for... I'll be waiting for all of you to attend my party this year...

See you soon .... I love you !
-Jesus-