My Cousin ties her laces Again...

Alia is my incredible cousin with a heart for those with Cancer,
a memory of her Grandmother, and a love to run...........

Hello Everyone,

I, again, have signed up to fundraise for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society as a participant of Team in Training (http://www.teamintraining.org/) while I train for the Mayor's Marathon which will take place on June 23rd in Anchorage, Alaska. I gave myself a goal of $5000 last time and exceeded it thanks to the generosity of MANY donors. This time I plan to raise at least $6000. 75% of every dollar received will go towards research to treat and one day cure Leukemia, Lymphoma and Myeloma, as well as family and patient aid while living with blood cancer every day. The other 25% goes towards funding the program and my travel and board in Alaska during the marathon weekend.

I will be training and completing my second marathon in memory of my grandmother Mama T, who my family lost last September to metastasized uterine cancer. It was a very difficult and long journey and I do not wish that struggle on anyone, no matter what type of cancer they are fighting.

Please help me help others. If you cannot donate, cheers and encouragement are just as welcome.

All donations are tax-deductible. Many companies have a gift matching program, please check if yours is one of them. You can donate online at my personal website

http://www.active.com/donate/tntgla/humaidhi, or mail me cash or a check made out to "LLS" to my address

314 W Micheltorena St, Apt 15,

Santa Barbara, CA, 93101

USA

Thank you all for taking the time to read this. I appreciate any and all support I receive.

Love,

Alia

Smallest preemie ever goes home...

A baby said by doctors to have been the most premature ever born will finally leave hospital today.

	Sonja Taylor with her 'miracle' baby Amillia

Amillia Taylor was delivered after less than 22 weeks in the womb, far less than a full 37 to 40-week pregnancy, and weighed just 10 ounces (284 grams). She was less than 10 inches long and medics gave her litte chance of survival.

Amillia, who was conceived by IVF, had trouble breathing and suffered a mild brain haemorrhage and digestive problems.

Her mother Sonja Taylor was not allowed to hold her for more than six weeks after she was born last October.

But her health has now improved after spending almost four months in an incubator and receiving oxygen at a neo-natal intensive care unit at Baptist Children’s Hospital in Florida, USA.

And today Amillia, which means resilient in Latin, is due to leave hospital for the first time and go home with her parents.

"We weren’t too optimistic, but she proved us all wrong," said Dr. William Smalling, who called her survival a "miracle".

"She’s going to be in a normal crib, she’s going to have normal feedings, she’s taking all her feedings from a bottle."

The University of Iowa, which keeps track of premature babies born around the world, believes she is the first baby ever to have survived after a gestation period of less than 23 weeks.

But Amillia still only weighs 4lb 60z (less than 2kg) and still needs extra oxygen and asthma medication.

PRAY THIS EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT!!

IT WILL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE.

You never know when God is going to bless you!! Good things happen when you least expect them to!!!!!!!!

Dear Lord, I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on
blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you.

I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak... Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that will delete this
without sharing it with others. I pray for those that don't believe.

But I thank you that I believe. I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in
their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to
fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees it.

Just repeat this phrase and see how God moves!

God, I love you and I need you. Come into my heart, please. AMEN...

walk in celebration of Matilyn`s life

Every year, millions of babies are born prematurely and with birth defects like gastroschisis. We walk in celebration of Matilyn`s life and in support of the research that could find a cure for prematurity and birth defects. Please join us and know that every dollar counts and helps bring the cure a little closer. Our mission is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality.

That is why I am asking you to support me in March of Dimes WalkAmerica. Because premature birth can happen to any pregnant woman. In nearly half the cases, the causes of prematurity and birth defects are unknown, as was the cause for Matilyn`s gastroschisis. The March of Dimes is leading the way to find answers by supporting research into these causes. I am joining the fight, and so can you.

Your support helps fund:
-Research into stress and other factors that may trigger preterm labor.
-Programs to educate pregnant women to recognize the warning signs of preterm labor.
-Tools to help health care providers find better ways to detect women who may be at risk for preterm labor.

Please join in and help fight prematurity and birth defects. Visit my webpage and sponsor me in the Walk that saves babies!

Thank You!
My personal web page address for donations is ...

http://www.walkamerica.org/MiracleMatilynsTeam

Would you like to see what WalkAmerica is and why I’m walking?
Click the link to see the video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVghSy-Cens

The March of Dimes mission is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality.

Click Now to sponsor me for WalkAmerica!

The Room

THE ROOM

17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. "I wowed 'em," he later told his father, Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote.." It also was the last.

Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it while cleaning out the teenager's locker at Teary Valley High School. Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted every piece of his life near them-notes from classmates and teachers, his homework.

Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen's life.. But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore realized that their son had described his view of heaven. "It makes such an impact that people want to share it. You feel like you are there." Mr. Moore said.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it," Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him."

Brian's Essay: The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room.. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."-Phil. 4:13 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." If you feel the same way forward it so the love of Jesus will touch their lives also. My "People I shared the gospel with" file just got bigger, how about yours?

Help me Win Survivor!

I NEED help to win an on-line game I am currently playing!!!!

You can learn more about the game here: boardgamegeek.com

IF you would take 30 seconds and send and e-mail to wildscrpio@yekrats.com

Subject line MUST read: Survivor Wildscrpio

In the base of the e-mail just say.. I am Martha's friend...

THAT'S it.. Easy right??? PLEASE!! This is a competition with 3 others! If I don't have the most.. I LOOSE!

This contest ends on Wednesday 11-29-06 at Noon (CT)

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES!!!! I rock my own free world!! I managed to post twice in less than a month. Amazing when that happens. Nothing actually new going on here. Managing to stay clear of all drama. Just trying to keep my family close, God closer and the enemy far far away. I know he's there knocking but I am just flat out refusing to even peek out at him. Working on yet another yard sale here.. This one is to raise money for my trip to the MOPS convention in Nashville, TN. I am soo excited. I had a great time last year and am going with 3 new people this year. I will actually be the veteran which is interesting. Nace is gone now, today was my first day flying solo. I will need to bring music to work now because I am freaked out listening to myself think. Nace use to talk to himself, play music by tapping a pen, make thinking sounds, grunts at e-mails, you know typical guy noise stuff... Yet today I really missed it. It was creepy looking at the empty office. I finally just closed the door. I am certain it will get better. Okay now I am starting to get sleepy.. It's almost midnight... Time to hit the bed! NIGHT!

Another one bites the dust.....

"Another one bites the dust, another one bites the dust, and anothe rone gone, and another one gone, another one bites the dust" For those of who who have recently karoke'd with me.. you know the routine.

Yes.. it's true another month has passes since my last post! wow...

A lot has changed yet nothing has changed... Drama.. and stuff!!

I tried going a month with out my anti-anxiety drug, yeah NOT PRETTY!!! so Today is my first day back on it and I am certain no one is more happy about that than Rick. LOL.. I am not depressed just literally anxious. And the worst part is my anxiety shows itself as anger... as that is my form of expressing my anxiety. If that makes sense to you. Irritation would be another good word to describe it. I literally wake up just pissed off... at who? at what? who knows... life! I take a very low dose drug and it basically takes the "edge" away and makes me a much nicer person to deal with. I just hate that I have to take it.. BUT I really tried to control it with no luck.

Our Pastor Nace is leaving us to head for another church in Burke, VA. sigh.. he's not "just" our Pastor he's our friend, the person who baptized us, dedicated my son, our first Pastor, and of course my boss. That's a lot of hats if you think about it. Tomorrow is his last sermon..... and per a typical guy he is avoiding the emtions... LOL.... I can respect that. But.. I am just really sad.... My work experience is about to become drastically different..........................................

Speaking of work I am now up to 20 hours a week, and trying to figure out how to manage all the "Mommy" stuff, with fun stuff, and work stuff and lets not forget Mops and my womans small group stuff too! It is only my 2nd week doing it so I am sure it will work itself out but I currently feel like I live in a wind tunnel. lol............ being sucked into the vector and occasionally spewed out. Ohhhh how I wish it would suck my dirty clothes pile up only to spit it back at CLEAN at me.

Alex is Alex........... going down for bed a hair easier but not sleeping all night nor sleeping in his own bed. Honestly.. I have lost my gumpshin on this, I'm tired and well.. yeah I'm TIRED!

Vacations do not help sleep!

Wait... Has it seriously been a month since I have posted? Whoa.. Honestly where does the time go?????

Well 3 trips in less than a month I guess can sure make a month ZOOM by without warning. A 5 day camping trip with my church, 4 days in Memphis with my In Laws, and 12 days in NH, just Alex, myself and my family.

Of COURSE during these trips Alex's bedtime routine and sleeping pattern got all mixed up. Sigh.. He ended back in the bed with us and I cannot seem to get him back on track. Last night was BAD. I think I got maybe 3 hours of sleep all night. From 12:30 to 5am he was up every 15 to 20 minutes. Crying, whining, whimpering, wailing, screaming, getting out of bed, fighting. I seriously tried every trick in my sleeve. At 4:30 I moved my pillows onto the floor next to his bed and he seriously fell asleep holding my hand there. I KNOW he can do it.. He has done it before now it's just a matter of making his body and mind remember it. SOOO tonight the Sleep Lady is Back.. And starting from scratch. I am going to act like this is Day 1 and go from there. Sooo... I am back to posting.........

It's the only way I can find patterns, vent, and allow myself to have melt downs without taking it out on him. I PRAY this does not take the same amount of time as last time BUT.. I am back in it for the long haul. Guess I better start getting my butt to bed earlier.

He took an hour nap at school today...... And he is EXHAUSTED! Droopy eyes... And very low key. NOT my normal hyper boy so bed time will come quickly tonight. Could be as early as 7:30.

Honestly I just want to drop my head onto the desk right here and sleep...............

In bed.. lights out, at 7:30. I sat against his bedroom door reading a book. Although no crying it took him an HOUR to settle down. He was fidgeting all over the bed regardless or how exhausted he was. Finally at 8:30 sleep won and he closed his eyes.... now for the rest of the night!

Cross our fingers!

Day 19 Sunday Night 5-21-06
Day 8 No Milk
Day 7 Sleeping on own...

8:20pm - Lights out

8:25pm - Alex crying in bed he says "He doesn't want to sleep like a big boy"

8:32pm - I turn and Alex is in the hallway on the floor with his pillow and blanket. I realize I took his "gate"/towel down. I move him back into the doorway. I told him he can sleep on the floor but it HAS to be in his room!

8:45pm - Alex calls me because "Chuckie" his stuffed dog was cold and needed a blanket. I go in and he has the dog laying on a pillow on the floor next to him. I indulge him and put a blanket on Chuckie.

9:05pm - All is quiet and Alex is finally asleep on floor!

10pm - Moved Alex to his bed, never woke up.

6:01am - Alex came in and told me his clock says 6:00 can he get in bed with us? OMG.. He slept ALL NIGHT!!!!!

HE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Change in schedule.. BAD!

Day 18 Saturday Night 5-21-06
Day 7 No Milk
Day 6 Sleeping on own...

We went to a friends for a BBQ and to play games. Sleep schedule went out the window and boy did I pay for it. It was a total and complete wash. I am not even going to write it out because it was BAD!!!

Lessons learned -
1. Miss the sleep window and your doomed!
2. Change up the routine or place of sleep and you will pay the price of no sleep!

A Pattern? Could it be???

Day 17 Friday Night 5-20-06
Day 6 No Milk
Day 5 Sleeping on own...

I am almost afraid to even speak the words but I think.. We may have "officially" had a break through. For the first time in 3.5 years my son is now going to sleep both at night and at nap ON HIS OWN! This his HUGE! No crying, no fussing, no arguing.. Nothing just a good night kiss and off he goes. As if that alone isn't big enough... He is now not waking up almost all night until dawn. For a child who just a month ago was waking 3-9 times a night this truly is something to Thank God for. I almost feel bad complaining about his wake up at 5:30 in the morning. Guilty even...

Late bed time tonight.... Took a little later nap so was allowed to push bed time back.

9:10pm in bed, lights out

9:15pm - still awake but quiet

9:25pm - Rick checks on him, awake but quiet

10:20pm - asleep and in his bed

2:10am - Alex is sitting in his bed crying.. I try to console him from my bed, no good, he's still crying. I go in and he tells me "He's tired of sleeping like a big boy and wants to come get in my bed". I almost had to laugh except it was 2:10am, therefore the funny factor didn't hit until this morning. I finally get him settled and back to sleep. 2:20am back to bed for me.

6:40am - Alex comes into our room annouces that he slept like a big boy, and the sun is now up! (I swear I heard a rooster some where in there).

Team work is key!

Day 16 Thursday Night 5-19-06
Day 5 No Milk
Day 4 Sleeping on own...

Today Alex started at a new school with a new schedule and a "set" nap time. Needless to say things didn't go bad.... But not great either! He clearly had not napped as when he got home he crashed in my arms and was horrible to wake up not waking till almost 5:00pm. So we pushed bedtime back just a hair, plus we were at Wal-Mart buying some essentials for our camping trip next week.

9:00pm - Lights out

9:06pm - Playing with stuffed barking dog and had moved himself to the floor. I said it was fine as long as he stopped with the dog or I would come back and take it. All was quiet after that.

9:20pm - Asleep

10:30pm - Moved him to his bed.. Out cold

*** Rick and I have agreed and set guidelines that no matter what Alex will not be allowed into our bed until 6am and not a moment earlier! We agreed on this together. Later on when a routine has been established we might change this but for now it will stand!

5:30am - Only a 10 minute regression so not bad. Climbed around to Rick's side, Rick said he got it so I laid there and listened. I KNOW it was against everything in Rick's fiber to put him back in his bed but I really appreciated him respecting and listening to me. That went FAR in my book. Alex sat in his bed crying while Rick walked around getting ready for bible study. I knew this HAD to be distracting to Alex so I got up and told him if he laid in bed quietly for 5 minutes I would allow him into our room. LOL... It worked in less than 5 minutes he was asleep. And stayed asleep until 6am. At that point he came and laid with me and we both went back to sleep until 7:40.

ahhhhhhhhhhh all good things!!!!!

Sleep is so good for the soul!

Day 15 Wednesday Night 5-18-06
Day 4 No Milk
Day 3 Sleeping on own...

2 hour nap today.. Went down easy and woke up on his own happy and chipper!

8:30pm - Lights out.... All is quiet!

8:45pm - Still quiet, peeked in, still settling but never saw me.

9:00pm - Out cold, moved him onto his pillow and under his blankets

10:15pm - I am off to bed.. This Mama has to catch up on 3.5 years of sleep!!!

5:40am - I wake up to my son crying laying in between us! I roll over and Rick is awake and soothing him. I ask how long he has been there and he said I just let him up. I calmly explain that it's only 5:40 and that's 20 minutes too soon. His response "It's close enough"! AHHHHHHHHHHHH
I am so mad I could SCREAM! I am so mad I got out of bed because I just couldn't lay there stewing. THEN... He gets up to get Alex his milk.. Oh HECK NO! I say no way not till 6:00. Every night Alex has been making progress staying in bed and sleeping a little longer. Last night he made it to 5:40 that's 20 minutes extra from the night before. I have been working so hard to get him to stay in his bed till 6:00am. Alex even intentionally went right past my side of the bed and went all the way around to Rick's.

Today was suppose to be a great day. My son's preschool graduation (no, he's not graduating just performing), getting to stay in bed till 7 with my husband on a work day.......... And now it's 6:10am and my husband and son are in our marriage bed together snuggling, while I am out here alone and mad.

Day 2 Of Sleep............

Day 14 Tuesday Night 5-16-06
Day 3 No Milk
Night 2 of sleeping........

Sleep... Whoa.. Who would have thought what a nights sleep can do for a person!

Alex went down for nap like a charmer... Easy! Slept for 2 hours and popped up liked the happiest little camper ever. Today being a Mommy was easy......

8:23pm - lights out...

8:44pm - Still awake, but quiet

9:00pm - I thought he was asleep and covered him with a blanket. Which he quickly said I don't want that, threw it off and went back to sleep??

9:15pm - Asleep

5:20am - The crying starts, Rick and I both try to coach him from our bed but he is just getting louder. Finally I go in and help him lay down and explain only 30 more minutes until the sun is up. I leave with him still crying, 1 minute later all is quiet.

6:20am - Alex comes into our room and gets in bed with us sleeping until 7:00.

Each night he is sleeping in by himself a little longer.......... Hooray!

Go Alex Go!!!

Day 13 Monday Night 5-15-06
Day 2 No Milk!

Well we had a GREAT day today! We celebrated Alex's break through last night with a trip to Tuscaloosa with Alex's best friend Alexander and his Mommy Cindy. We went to Chuck E Cheese and the boys got to play. They were both really excited. We continued the talk all day about why today was an exciting day. Alex called several people and told them all the wonderful news. THANK YOU to my personal prayer warriors... You know who you are! I could NOT have done this without you. Our battle is not over but we are feeling rejuvenated and back ready to fight. Please continue to keep Alex in your prayers.

8:25pm - Went down with ease, no arguing or crying!

8:40pm - I never went in to check on him after walking out and he was quiet the entire time. Just went to peek in and he was OUT cold! Yippee!

1:30am - Woke up to pee (need to teach my body not to do this anymore), checked on Alex and he was fast asleep!!

5:08am - YES!! He slept till 5:00 without waking! He woke up stayed in bed.... And cried for about 3 minutes with Rick and I coaching him from the bed. He finally quieted down and went back to sleep.

6:00am - He yelled from his bed "the sun is up Mama, can I come to your room now?", We told him yes! He came and slept in bed with us and had his morning milk.

I'm almost afraid to get too excited...... Yet I can't help but pray this is a new trend!!

Happy Mother's Day

Day 12 - Sunday Night 5-14-06
Day 1 AGAIN......... Of no milk! Sigh...

First let me just say how disappointed I am for giving Alex milk last night. I am just disappointed...

My son gave me several gifts today. The biggest one was not giving me to much grief at bed time. He took a good 2 hour night.

8:10pm - We said good night, with only a few tears and pleas.

8:20pm - Still awake, playing in bed

8:30pm - Alex came into hallway, crying, complaining the bed sheets were cold. I took him back to bed, he choose to sleep on the floor. And I left him there.

9:00pm - Asleep!

9:20pm - I picked him up and moved him to his bed... He didn't even flinch!

3:05am - I woke up needing to pee, got up shocked that Alex had not gotten up. I peeked in his room and he was asleep in his bed.

4:20am - Alex woke up crying but stayed in his room and Rick yelled... Alex your okay go back to sleep, he cried for another minute and I yelled Alex baby were right here get your Batman, and Chuckie and count your sheep, he cried for 30 seconds and was quiet

OMG........... He NEVER got out of bed and neither did I!!!

6:10am - Alex came running into our room yelling.. "I DID IT, I DID IT, I slept like a big boy" Hallelujah!!!! God is GOOD!

My son.. My baby.. DID IT!!!!! I am just so proud of him. Funny.. I am exhausted because my body suddenly realized it was getting sleep. I know he may not do it again tonight but know we know he CAN do it, and more importantly HE knows he can do it!

The definition of THIS Mother

The definition of this mother today is.............. TIRED, Exhausted, worn out, sleep-less, baggy eyes, dark circles, tuckered out!!!!

Sigh...........

Alex took a 2 hour nap, falling asleep in the car on the way home from church......... praying he has a better night tonight!

What does the word Mother mean??

According to Dictionary.com it means:

1. A woman who conceives, gives birth to, or raises and nurtures a child.
2. A female parent of an animal.
3. A female ancestor.
4. A woman who holds a position of authority or responsibility similar to that of a mother: a den mother.
5. Roman Catholic Church.
   1. A mother superior.
   2. Used as a form of address for such a woman.
6. A woman who creates, originates, or founds something: “the discovery of radium, which made Marie Curie mother to the Atomic Age” (Alden Whitman).
7. A creative source; an origin: Philosophy is the mother of the sciences.
8. Used as a title for a woman respected for her wisdom and age.
9. Maternal love and tenderness: brought out the mother in her.
10. The biggest or most significant example of its kind: the mother of all battles.
11. Vulgar Slang. Something considered extraordinary, as in disagreeableness, size, or intensity.

Pure Exhaustion..............

Day 11 Saturday Night 5-13-06
Day 5 No MILK!

7:30pm - Alex had a hard day of playing with his friend Alexander. Twice he fell asleep in the car only to have us wake him up due to it being too late to take a nap yet to early for bed. Needless to say he was an OFFICIAL mess by bedtime. His sleep window had long since past. He ended up moving to the floor and crying until I went in and got angry with him and put him in his bed. He then cried for 10 minutes and finally fell asleep. I HATE that he went to sleep crying. Makes me feel like a horrible Mommy. Sigh..... Guess kinda is my fault for not letting him get a nap. I wonder if our night is going to be bad now???
8:00pm Alex is finally asleep,'

1:06am - Is it really only 1am? Feels like I should be getting some help yet none is appearing. Alex stood in his doorway screaming yet never crossed. Wanted milk and numerous other things I could not bring. I left with him still crying although quiet now! I think I am typing in my sleep too!

12:25am - Yes I just went backwards in time... Turns out I slept straight through one of Alex's many wakings this evening. Rick said he was sitting in his bed crying and crying. Once he realized I was not getting up he got up and talked to Alex and then left him in his room crying for about another 15 seconds before he went back to sleep.

4:00am - Okay so umm yeah exhaustion for some = passing out and not moving. Exhaustion for Alex = being up all night. Which means hell for Mom and Dad! BOY are we paying the price for today. Alex is a MESS!!!!!! Now 4:36am he has been up and down crying, screaming, and just sobbing. First he wanted milk... Sigh... I gave in! I was worried he was hungry (back to day one again). LOSER, sucker, I fell for it.. He drank 3/4 of a cup and was done. PLUS didn't go to sleep! Then he was cold in his bed. I gave him blankets and he said I don't want to lay in this cold bed (imagine the most sobbing pitiful voice ever, the kind of voice that rips out a mamma's heart and throws it on the floor). I asked him where he wanted to lay and he said on you... Where it's warm! UGH...................................... My lovely reaction? I got mad. Sigh... I told him he was being a crazy boy and needed to close his eyes and go to sleep or I was going to spank him. Rick got up then and intervened. He got us to pray and we stroked Alex. Just when I thought he was asleep. BOOM.... Still no sleep. His is STILL in there awake but quiet at least. I am banging my head against a wall here. I am just frustrated with him! Ugh....................... What will make my little boy sleep????
4:45am - he appears asleep for now.......................

*** Additional note to say there were numerous wake ups in here not listed! I was so out of it I couldn't even note the time on the clock or sit at the computer. We were up every hour all night long!

Day 10 Rock on!

Day 10 Friday night 5-12-06
Day 4 No Milk

I let Alex take a pretty good nap today about 2 hours so that we could extend his bedtime in order to attend the Hope Community Church benefit concert for Africa. The concert was AWESOME... I love a full on worship experience. I use to be able to sing and when I had my tonsils taken out at 23 my voice totally changed and well now.. I just like to pretend I can sing. Luckily, no one at church seems to mind except I do notice fewer and fewer people sitting near me. Humph..........

Oh yeah back to Alex, anyway he was EXHAUSTED upon our arrival home at 10:00pm. He climbed into bed and without so much of a word was OUT! Even in his bed if you can imagine...... We shall see how long he stays down! Lets pray for an all nighter!!!!

3:13pm - SOOO close... Alex woke me up crying, standing in the threshold of his room not crossing our "towel" gate. I got up and he had moved his pillow and blanket to the floor. When he saw me he said "Mama I tried" and started crying even harder. God Love my only son.... I gave him a hug and fixed his blankets and am now in the waiting chamber.

I have to admit I cried today. Emotionally I am a mess. Lack of sleep, my monthly friend, and this sleep lady "stuff" has just sent me over the edge. Alex is the only child I am ever going to have. This is not by choice but God's will. I respect that yet it tears at my heart. As much as I hate the all night snuggling, I CRAVE that all night snuggling. I yearn it as much as he does. I don't want it to end because that means he is growing up and might not "need" me anymore. When Alex was first born and struggling for life they told us he might not make it 24hrs. I wasn't a Christian then nor had ever been taught how to pray yet I prayed. I begged God to have mercy on my son and me. I told this tiny 3lb infant in no uncertain terms he was a fighter. I demanded he survive to beat all the odds he was given JUST as his Mama had done. I told hospital staff NO ONE was to say anything negative about Alex near Alex. No bad reports, no wavering thoughts, nothing..... I wanted him surrounded in positive energy. We went from wanting him to live 1 hour, to 24hrs, to 1 week, to 1 month, to counting down the days to his first birthday. My son, my stubborn, high energy, willful, loud, loving, emotional, sweet, honest son beat every odd he was ever given and then some. Alex is God's gift to me. God sent me Alex to teach me his power, his faith, his grace. It is soooo incredibly hard for Rick and I to explain to people exactly what that first year of Alex's life was like. For them to fully understand WHY we almost panic at the thought of him NOT waking us up. From heart monitor alarms blaring at 2am, to Brain MRI's, asthma attacks, severe reflux, colic, ear infections, apnea, upper GI's, lower GI's, ear surgery, more blood draws on his feet than anyone should have to go through, blood transfusions, CAT scans, and lets not forget my 12 months of pumping milk every 3 hours!
SO seeing even a glimpse of this you think so isn't it high time you got 8 hours of straight sleep?? YES.. It is... YES I am THRILLED my son might actually be able to do this. But deep down in the lower part of my heart is a tiny crack that is scared.... scared he might have yet another medical fight as to why he can't do this. And... I too am addicted to him as much as he is addicted to us. Sigh... It is the largest double edge sword. It's late, he's asleep and I am a rambling emotional mess, for that, I am sorry! 3:32pm.. Guess I should try and sleep or maybe I should just sit outside Alex's room, watch him sleep and thank God for my awesome awesome gift.