My friend Stacy in Kansas city, MO sent me an IM the other day (before my computer crashed) telling me I needed to update my blog that she felt that was the only way she knew what was happening in my life lately and it had been too long.
Then my friend Alyssa in Sacramento sent me an e-mail telling me she felt disconnected and was growing in unrest in the miles between us. She then filled me in on all the happenings in her life. All the yuck and joy I was missing out on.
To top it all off tonight my friend Lori now in Colorado Springs sent me a blip from my blog from February saying she needed "some familiar time with a dear friend - so I found it in your blog".
YIKES people..... This was a wake up call clearly I have been FAR too busy. I promise all 3 of you I am still very much alive and kicking. The past month God has sent me on a journey. Because of my son Alex we are the Ambassadors for the March of Dimes WalkAmerica here in Columbus. God has deeply stamped it on my heart this month to get out there and give the gift He gave me back to others. This was WHY he gave me Alex. It was a tool..
So.. Off I went on a fundraising mission of sorts! It started with a little yard sale that grew and grew and grew until you could no longer see out my son's play room windows. My kitchen table, floor, and counters became tagging stations full of pink, green, yellow little dots with prices on them. I lost pens, tags, cups, the house and often my mind in the pile of stuff that people began donating for this "little" yard sale. Yet god pushed me further. He kept whispering in my ear to drive on when I thought I had no strength left. He cleared my mind when exhaustion set in. He lifted me up when I became disappointed. He clearly told me in no uncertain terms this was my mission. Soooo I drove forward at 100 mph. Several times I wanted to bag the entire idea and then he would send an angel my way often in the form of an 80 pound red head full of His raw energy and love. It never failed to make me smile.
So on Saturday I pulled off my largest fundraising to date! A HUGE GIGANTIC yard sale! The greatest gift I got was people who were getting nothing in return showing up at 6am with huge smiles to work for the day donating their time, sweat and love. This was more than I could ask for. The newspaper came and took pictures, over 100 people came up my driveway several on numerous trips, and over $1300.00 passed through our hands. $500.00 was raised for the March of Dimes and donated to "Team Alex".
During the past month God kept scolding me that my personal goal was not high enough. I originally started it at $1500.00, because last year we raised $1300.00 and I thought that was a goal I could "handle". When fundraising started off really slow I dropped my numbers down to $700.00 thinking maybe after hurricane Katrina and all maybe I needed to offer a lot more Grace to those hurting. Then God and I spoke and I moved it to $2500.00. My husband thought I was mad, He still thinks I might be. Yet God assured me it was "doable", he prompted me that this was my mission. IF by speaking out about my near death experience some like to call child birth, could raise money and help prevent one Mamma from having to experience the agony of the NICU, I HAD to do everything in power to make it happen. Even if I don't hit that $2500.00 goal by Thursday morning (bank day for my walk), I know God has helped me shift minds and hearts. I know that together we have touched lives, minds and hearts. For many people I pray prematurity is just a word they will only be able to relate to "the Hocutts", but for those who will unwillingly be sucked into the ugly world of fear called the NICU I pray the memory of my sons face, laughter, and light will give them strength, hope, and faith in their darkest hour. THANK YOU God for the incredible gift of my son Alex.
To my friends... Stacy, Alyssa & Lori... Thank you! Thank you for allowing me time to wander into my March of Dimes world knowing I would return to you a better and deeper person. Thank you for allowing me to ramble at times and make no sense. Thank you for forgiving me for not being the best of friend during moments you may have needed me. Thank you for loving me, giving me strength, and reminding me why I do what I do. I know none of you will be physically here with us next Sunday as we drive off after church to "do" the walk, but you each will be with me in my heart.
I often pray for each one of you, thanking God for the blessings he has given me. You each have played very key roles in my life, ones that are unforgettable. So as I wake up next Sunday morning sad that you all won't get to experience the day with us I will remind myself of all the things God has blessed our friendship with.
Alyssa - you drove over 500 miles with a 2 month old to hold my hand at my baby shower, 2 days after out finding how sick I was you sat on the floor while I laid with my feet up on the couch scared, afraid and crying. You worked your butt of when I gave birth sending "lil" hand made hats for my tiny little son. You sent my first sign of God in the form of a St. Christopher pendant to pin to Alex's blanket in the incubator.
Stacy - You listened as my colicky son drove me over the edge, as the throw up spilled time and time again to the floor you promised me it would get better. You made me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry. You gave me hope when I thought there was none. You gave me advice when I truly had no one else to turn too. You flew miles to be make good on a bet you had lost (smirk). You prayed like never before with each visit to the doctors, hospital and neurosurgeon showing me God's answers to prayers before I even realized it.
Lori - My soul shaker.... You helped me lift my hand, my heart and my son to God. You helped me put answers to my most painful questions. You were there as I met Christ face to face. You gave me faith when I had none. You lifted me up and placed me on my rock reaching out to catch me every time I started to slide off. You became my sons second mother, offering him advice, love, and laughter. You became the older sister I had wished for all my life.
THANK YOU to my deepest set of friends.... For loving me with the good, the bad and the ugly! Thank you for sharing my deepest fears and my happiest moments with me. Thank you for loving me when I have felt unlovable. You each have stamped yourselves in my soul forever.
I AM BACK..... (of course it's 1:00am so I think I better go back to bed)!
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