Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Help me Win Survivor!

I NEED help to win an on-line game I am currently playing!!!!

You can learn more about the game here: boardgamegeek.com

IF you would take 30 seconds and send and e-mail to wildscrpio@yekrats.com

Subject line MUST read: Survivor Wildscrpio

In the base of the e-mail just say.. I am Martha's friend...

THAT'S it.. Easy right??? PLEASE!! This is a competition with 3 others! If I don't have the most.. I LOOSE!

This contest ends on Wednesday 11-29-06 at Noon (CT)

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

YES!!!! I rock my own free world!! I managed to post twice in less than a month. Amazing when that happens. Nothing actually new going on here. Managing to stay clear of all drama. Just trying to keep my family close, God closer and the enemy far far away. I know he's there knocking but I am just flat out refusing to even peek out at him. Working on yet another yard sale here.. This one is to raise money for my trip to the MOPS convention in Nashville, TN. I am soo excited. I had a great time last year and am going with 3 new people this year. I will actually be the veteran which is interesting. Nace is gone now, today was my first day flying solo. I will need to bring music to work now because I am freaked out listening to myself think. Nace use to talk to himself, play music by tapping a pen, make thinking sounds, grunts at e-mails, you know typical guy noise stuff... Yet today I really missed it. It was creepy looking at the empty office. I finally just closed the door. I am certain it will get better. Okay now I am starting to get sleepy.. It's almost midnight... Time to hit the bed! NIGHT!

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Another one bites the dust.....

"Another one bites the dust, another one bites the dust, and anothe rone gone, and another one gone, another one bites the dust" For those of who who have recently karoke'd with me.. you know the routine.

Yes.. it's true another month has passes since my last post! wow...

A lot has changed yet nothing has changed... Drama.. and stuff!!

I tried going a month with out my anti-anxiety drug, yeah NOT PRETTY!!! so Today is my first day back on it and I am certain no one is more happy about that than Rick. LOL.. I am not depressed just literally anxious. And the worst part is my anxiety shows itself as anger... as that is my form of expressing my anxiety. If that makes sense to you. Irritation would be another good word to describe it. I literally wake up just pissed off... at who? at what? who knows... life! I take a very low dose drug and it basically takes the "edge" away and makes me a much nicer person to deal with. I just hate that I have to take it.. BUT I really tried to control it with no luck.

Our Pastor Nace is leaving us to head for another church in Burke, VA. sigh.. he's not "just" our Pastor he's our friend, the person who baptized us, dedicated my son, our first Pastor, and of course my boss. That's a lot of hats if you think about it. Tomorrow is his last sermon..... and per a typical guy he is avoiding the emtions... LOL.... I can respect that. But.. I am just really sad.... My work experience is about to become drastically different..........................................

Speaking of work I am now up to 20 hours a week, and trying to figure out how to manage all the "Mommy" stuff, with fun stuff, and work stuff and lets not forget Mops and my womans small group stuff too! It is only my 2nd week doing it so I am sure it will work itself out but I currently feel like I live in a wind tunnel. lol............ being sucked into the vector and occasionally spewed out. Ohhhh how I wish it would suck my dirty clothes pile up only to spit it back at CLEAN at me.

Alex is Alex........... going down for bed a hair easier but not sleeping all night nor sleeping in his own bed. Honestly.. I have lost my gumpshin on this, I'm tired and well.. yeah I'm TIRED!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Vacations do not help sleep!

Wait... Has it seriously been a month since I have posted? Whoa.. Honestly where does the time go?????

Well 3 trips in less than a month I guess can sure make a month ZOOM by without warning. A 5 day camping trip with my church, 4 days in Memphis with my In Laws, and 12 days in NH, just Alex, myself and my family.

Of COURSE during these trips Alex's bedtime routine and sleeping pattern got all mixed up. Sigh.. He ended back in the bed with us and I cannot seem to get him back on track. Last night was BAD. I think I got maybe 3 hours of sleep all night. From 12:30 to 5am he was up every 15 to 20 minutes. Crying, whining, whimpering, wailing, screaming, getting out of bed, fighting. I seriously tried every trick in my sleeve. At 4:30 I moved my pillows onto the floor next to his bed and he seriously fell asleep holding my hand there. I KNOW he can do it.. He has done it before now it's just a matter of making his body and mind remember it. SOOO tonight the Sleep Lady is Back.. And starting from scratch. I am going to act like this is Day 1 and go from there. Sooo... I am back to posting.........

It's the only way I can find patterns, vent, and allow myself to have melt downs without taking it out on him. I PRAY this does not take the same amount of time as last time BUT.. I am back in it for the long haul. Guess I better start getting my butt to bed earlier.

He took an hour nap at school today...... And he is EXHAUSTED! Droopy eyes... And very low key. NOT my normal hyper boy so bed time will come quickly tonight. Could be as early as 7:30.

Honestly I just want to drop my head onto the desk right here and sleep...............

In bed.. lights out, at 7:30. I sat against his bedroom door reading a book. Although no crying it took him an HOUR to settle down. He was fidgeting all over the bed regardless or how exhausted he was. Finally at 8:30 sleep won and he closed his eyes.... now for the rest of the night!

Monday, May 22, 2006

Cross our fingers!

Day 19 Sunday Night 5-21-06
Day 8 No Milk
Day 7 Sleeping on own...

8:20pm - Lights out

8:25pm - Alex crying in bed he says "He doesn't want to sleep like a big boy"

8:32pm - I turn and Alex is in the hallway on the floor with his pillow and blanket. I realize I took his "gate"/towel down. I move him back into the doorway. I told him he can sleep on the floor but it HAS to be in his room!

8:45pm - Alex calls me because "Chuckie" his stuffed dog was cold and needed a blanket. I go in and he has the dog laying on a pillow on the floor next to him. I indulge him and put a blanket on Chuckie.

9:05pm - All is quiet and Alex is finally asleep on floor!

10pm - Moved Alex to his bed, never woke up.

6:01am - Alex came in and told me his clock says 6:00 can he get in bed with us? OMG.. He slept ALL NIGHT!!!!!

HE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Change in schedule.. BAD!

Day 18 Saturday Night 5-21-06
Day 7 No Milk
Day 6 Sleeping on own...

We went to a friends for a BBQ and to play games. Sleep schedule went out the window and boy did I pay for it. It was a total and complete wash. I am not even going to write it out because it was BAD!!!

Lessons learned -
1. Miss the sleep window and your doomed!
2. Change up the routine or place of sleep and you will pay the price of no sleep!

Friday, May 19, 2006

A Pattern? Could it be???

Day 17 Friday Night 5-20-06
Day 6 No Milk
Day 5 Sleeping on own...

I am almost afraid to even speak the words but I think.. We may have "officially" had a break through. For the first time in 3.5 years my son is now going to sleep both at night and at nap ON HIS OWN! This his HUGE! No crying, no fussing, no arguing.. Nothing just a good night kiss and off he goes. As if that alone isn't big enough... He is now not waking up almost all night until dawn. For a child who just a month ago was waking 3-9 times a night this truly is something to Thank God for. I almost feel bad complaining about his wake up at 5:30 in the morning. Guilty even...

Late bed time tonight.... Took a little later nap so was allowed to push bed time back.

9:10pm in bed, lights out

9:15pm - still awake but quiet

9:25pm - Rick checks on him, awake but quiet

10:20pm - asleep and in his bed

2:10am - Alex is sitting in his bed crying.. I try to console him from my bed, no good, he's still crying. I go in and he tells me "He's tired of sleeping like a big boy and wants to come get in my bed". I almost had to laugh except it was 2:10am, therefore the funny factor didn't hit until this morning. I finally get him settled and back to sleep. 2:20am back to bed for me.

6:40am - Alex comes into our room annouces that he slept like a big boy, and the sun is now up! (I swear I heard a rooster some where in there).

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Team work is key!

Day 16 Thursday Night 5-19-06
Day 5 No Milk
Day 4 Sleeping on own...

Today Alex started at a new school with a new schedule and a "set" nap time. Needless to say things didn't go bad.... But not great either! He clearly had not napped as when he got home he crashed in my arms and was horrible to wake up not waking till almost 5:00pm. So we pushed bedtime back just a hair, plus we were at Wal-Mart buying some essentials for our camping trip next week.

9:00pm - Lights out

9:06pm - Playing with stuffed barking dog and had moved himself to the floor. I said it was fine as long as he stopped with the dog or I would come back and take it. All was quiet after that.

9:20pm - Asleep

10:30pm - Moved him to his bed.. Out cold

*** Rick and I have agreed and set guidelines that no matter what Alex will not be allowed into our bed until 6am and not a moment earlier! We agreed on this together. Later on when a routine has been established we might change this but for now it will stand!

5:30am - Only a 10 minute regression so not bad. Climbed around to Rick's side, Rick said he got it so I laid there and listened. I KNOW it was against everything in Rick's fiber to put him back in his bed but I really appreciated him respecting and listening to me. That went FAR in my book. Alex sat in his bed crying while Rick walked around getting ready for bible study. I knew this HAD to be distracting to Alex so I got up and told him if he laid in bed quietly for 5 minutes I would allow him into our room. LOL... It worked in less than 5 minutes he was asleep. And stayed asleep until 6am. At that point he came and laid with me and we both went back to sleep until 7:40.

ahhhhhhhhhhh all good things!!!!!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Sleep is so good for the soul!

Day 15 Wednesday Night 5-18-06
Day 4 No Milk
Day 3 Sleeping on own...

2 hour nap today.. Went down easy and woke up on his own happy and chipper!

8:30pm - Lights out.... All is quiet!

8:45pm - Still quiet, peeked in, still settling but never saw me.

9:00pm - Out cold, moved him onto his pillow and under his blankets

10:15pm - I am off to bed.. This Mama has to catch up on 3.5 years of sleep!!!

5:40am - I wake up to my son crying laying in between us! I roll over and Rick is awake and soothing him. I ask how long he has been there and he said I just let him up. I calmly explain that it's only 5:40 and that's 20 minutes too soon. His response "It's close enough"! AHHHHHHHHHHHH
I am so mad I could SCREAM! I am so mad I got out of bed because I just couldn't lay there stewing. THEN... He gets up to get Alex his milk.. Oh HECK NO! I say no way not till 6:00. Every night Alex has been making progress staying in bed and sleeping a little longer. Last night he made it to 5:40 that's 20 minutes extra from the night before. I have been working so hard to get him to stay in his bed till 6:00am. Alex even intentionally went right past my side of the bed and went all the way around to Rick's.

Today was suppose to be a great day. My son's preschool graduation (no, he's not graduating just performing), getting to stay in bed till 7 with my husband on a work day.......... And now it's 6:10am and my husband and son are in our marriage bed together snuggling, while I am out here alone and mad.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Day 2 Of Sleep............

Day 14 Tuesday Night 5-16-06
Day 3 No Milk
Night 2 of sleeping........

Sleep... Whoa.. Who would have thought what a nights sleep can do for a person!

Alex went down for nap like a charmer... Easy! Slept for 2 hours and popped up liked the happiest little camper ever. Today being a Mommy was easy......

8:23pm - lights out...

8:44pm - Still awake, but quiet

9:00pm - I thought he was asleep and covered him with a blanket. Which he quickly said I don't want that, threw it off and went back to sleep??

9:15pm - Asleep

5:20am - The crying starts, Rick and I both try to coach him from our bed but he is just getting louder. Finally I go in and help him lay down and explain only 30 more minutes until the sun is up. I leave with him still crying, 1 minute later all is quiet.

6:20am - Alex comes into our room and gets in bed with us sleeping until 7:00.

Each night he is sleeping in by himself a little longer.......... Hooray!

Monday, May 15, 2006

Go Alex Go!!!

Day 13 Monday Night 5-15-06
Day 2 No Milk!

Well we had a GREAT day today! We celebrated Alex's break through last night with a trip to Tuscaloosa with Alex's best friend Alexander and his Mommy Cindy. We went to Chuck E Cheese and the boys got to play. They were both really excited. We continued the talk all day about why today was an exciting day. Alex called several people and told them all the wonderful news. THANK YOU to my personal prayer warriors... You know who you are! I could NOT have done this without you. Our battle is not over but we are feeling rejuvenated and back ready to fight. Please continue to keep Alex in your prayers.

8:25pm - Went down with ease, no arguing or crying!

8:40pm - I never went in to check on him after walking out and he was quiet the entire time. Just went to peek in and he was OUT cold! Yippee!

1:30am - Woke up to pee (need to teach my body not to do this anymore), checked on Alex and he was fast asleep!!

5:08am - YES!! He slept till 5:00 without waking! He woke up stayed in bed.... And cried for about 3 minutes with Rick and I coaching him from the bed. He finally quieted down and went back to sleep.

6:00am - He yelled from his bed "the sun is up Mama, can I come to your room now?", We told him yes! He came and slept in bed with us and had his morning milk.

I'm almost afraid to get too excited...... Yet I can't help but pray this is a new trend!!

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Happy Mother's Day

Day 12 - Sunday Night 5-14-06
Day 1 AGAIN......... Of no milk! Sigh...

First let me just say how disappointed I am for giving Alex milk last night. I am just disappointed...

My son gave me several gifts today. The biggest one was not giving me to much grief at bed time. He took a good 2 hour night.

8:10pm - We said good night, with only a few tears and pleas.

8:20pm - Still awake, playing in bed

8:30pm - Alex came into hallway, crying, complaining the bed sheets were cold. I took him back to bed, he choose to sleep on the floor. And I left him there.

9:00pm - Asleep!

9:20pm - I picked him up and moved him to his bed... He didn't even flinch!

3:05am - I woke up needing to pee, got up shocked that Alex had not gotten up. I peeked in his room and he was asleep in his bed.

4:20am - Alex woke up crying but stayed in his room and Rick yelled... Alex your okay go back to sleep, he cried for another minute and I yelled Alex baby were right here get your Batman, and Chuckie and count your sheep, he cried for 30 seconds and was quiet

OMG........... He NEVER got out of bed and neither did I!!!

6:10am - Alex came running into our room yelling.. "I DID IT, I DID IT, I slept like a big boy" Hallelujah!!!! God is GOOD!

My son.. My baby.. DID IT!!!!! I am just so proud of him. Funny.. I am exhausted because my body suddenly realized it was getting sleep. I know he may not do it again tonight but know we know he CAN do it, and more importantly HE knows he can do it!

The definition of THIS Mother

The definition of this mother today is.............. TIRED, Exhausted, worn out, sleep-less, baggy eyes, dark circles, tuckered out!!!!


Alex took a 2 hour nap, falling asleep in the car on the way home from church......... praying he has a better night tonight!

What does the word Mother mean??

According to Dictionary.com it means:

  1. A woman who conceives, gives birth to, or raises and nurtures a child.
  2. A female parent of an animal.
  3. A female ancestor.
  4. A woman who holds a position of authority or responsibility similar to that of a mother: a den mother.
  5. Roman Catholic Church.
    1. A mother superior.
    2. Used as a form of address for such a woman.
  6. A woman who creates, originates, or founds something: “the discovery of radium, which made Marie Curie mother to the Atomic Age” (Alden Whitman).
  7. A creative source; an origin: Philosophy is the mother of the sciences.
  8. Used as a title for a woman respected for her wisdom and age.
  9. Maternal love and tenderness: brought out the mother in her.
  10. The biggest or most significant example of its kind: the mother of all battles.
  11. Vulgar Slang. Something considered extraordinary, as in disagreeableness, size, or intensity.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Pure Exhaustion..............

Day 11 Saturday Night 5-13-06
Day 5 No MILK!

7:30pm - Alex had a hard day of playing with his friend Alexander. Twice he fell asleep in the car only to have us wake him up due to it being too late to take a nap yet to early for bed. Needless to say he was an OFFICIAL mess by bedtime. His sleep window had long since past. He ended up moving to the floor and crying until I went in and got angry with him and put him in his bed. He then cried for 10 minutes and finally fell asleep. I HATE that he went to sleep crying. Makes me feel like a horrible Mommy. Sigh..... Guess kinda is my fault for not letting him get a nap. I wonder if our night is going to be bad now???
8:00pm Alex is finally asleep,'

1:06am - Is it really only 1am? Feels like I should be getting some help yet none is appearing. Alex stood in his doorway screaming yet never crossed. Wanted milk and numerous other things I could not bring. I left with him still crying although quiet now! I think I am typing in my sleep too!

12:25am - Yes I just went backwards in time... Turns out I slept straight through one of Alex's many wakings this evening. Rick said he was sitting in his bed crying and crying. Once he realized I was not getting up he got up and talked to Alex and then left him in his room crying for about another 15 seconds before he went back to sleep.

4:00am - Okay so umm yeah exhaustion for some = passing out and not moving. Exhaustion for Alex = being up all night. Which means hell for Mom and Dad! BOY are we paying the price for today. Alex is a MESS!!!!!! Now 4:36am he has been up and down crying, screaming, and just sobbing. First he wanted milk... Sigh... I gave in! I was worried he was hungry (back to day one again). LOSER, sucker, I fell for it.. He drank 3/4 of a cup and was done. PLUS didn't go to sleep! Then he was cold in his bed. I gave him blankets and he said I don't want to lay in this cold bed (imagine the most sobbing pitiful voice ever, the kind of voice that rips out a mamma's heart and throws it on the floor). I asked him where he wanted to lay and he said on you... Where it's warm! UGH...................................... My lovely reaction? I got mad. Sigh... I told him he was being a crazy boy and needed to close his eyes and go to sleep or I was going to spank him. Rick got up then and intervened. He got us to pray and we stroked Alex. Just when I thought he was asleep. BOOM.... Still no sleep. His is STILL in there awake but quiet at least. I am banging my head against a wall here. I am just frustrated with him! Ugh....................... What will make my little boy sleep????
4:45am - he appears asleep for now.......................

*** Additional note to say there were numerous wake ups in here not listed! I was so out of it I couldn't even note the time on the clock or sit at the computer. We were up every hour all night long!

Friday, May 12, 2006

Day 10 Rock on!

Day 10 Friday night 5-12-06
Day 4 No Milk

I let Alex take a pretty good nap today about 2 hours so that we could extend his bedtime in order to attend the Hope Community Church benefit concert for Africa. The concert was AWESOME... I love a full on worship experience. I use to be able to sing and when I had my tonsils taken out at 23 my voice totally changed and well now.. I just like to pretend I can sing. Luckily, no one at church seems to mind except I do notice fewer and fewer people sitting near me. Humph..........

Oh yeah back to Alex, anyway he was EXHAUSTED upon our arrival home at 10:00pm. He climbed into bed and without so much of a word was OUT! Even in his bed if you can imagine...... We shall see how long he stays down! Lets pray for an all nighter!!!!

3:13pm - SOOO close... Alex woke me up crying, standing in the threshold of his room not crossing our "towel" gate. I got up and he had moved his pillow and blanket to the floor. When he saw me he said "Mama I tried" and started crying even harder. God Love my only son.... I gave him a hug and fixed his blankets and am now in the waiting chamber.

I have to admit I cried today. Emotionally I am a mess. Lack of sleep, my monthly friend, and this sleep lady "stuff" has just sent me over the edge. Alex is the only child I am ever going to have. This is not by choice but God's will. I respect that yet it tears at my heart. As much as I hate the all night snuggling, I CRAVE that all night snuggling. I yearn it as much as he does. I don't want it to end because that means he is growing up and might not "need" me anymore. When Alex was first born and struggling for life they told us he might not make it 24hrs. I wasn't a Christian then nor had ever been taught how to pray yet I prayed. I begged God to have mercy on my son and me. I told this tiny 3lb infant in no uncertain terms he was a fighter. I demanded he survive to beat all the odds he was given JUST as his Mama had done. I told hospital staff NO ONE was to say anything negative about Alex near Alex. No bad reports, no wavering thoughts, nothing..... I wanted him surrounded in positive energy. We went from wanting him to live 1 hour, to 24hrs, to 1 week, to 1 month, to counting down the days to his first birthday. My son, my stubborn, high energy, willful, loud, loving, emotional, sweet, honest son beat every odd he was ever given and then some. Alex is God's gift to me. God sent me Alex to teach me his power, his faith, his grace. It is soooo incredibly hard for Rick and I to explain to people exactly what that first year of Alex's life was like. For them to fully understand WHY we almost panic at the thought of him NOT waking us up. From heart monitor alarms blaring at 2am, to Brain MRI's, asthma attacks, severe reflux, colic, ear infections, apnea, upper GI's, lower GI's, ear surgery, more blood draws on his feet than anyone should have to go through, blood transfusions, CAT scans, and lets not forget my 12 months of pumping milk every 3 hours!
SO seeing even a glimpse of this you think so isn't it high time you got 8 hours of straight sleep?? YES.. It is... YES I am THRILLED my son might actually be able to do this. But deep down in the lower part of my heart is a tiny crack that is scared.... scared he might have yet another medical fight as to why he can't do this. And... I too am addicted to him as much as he is addicted to us. Sigh... It is the largest double edge sword. It's late, he's asleep and I am a rambling emotional mess, for that, I am sorry! 3:32pm.. Guess I should try and sleep or maybe I should just sit outside Alex's room, watch him sleep and thank God for my awesome awesome gift.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Day 9 sleep Glorious sleep!

Day 9 - Thursday Night 5-10-06
Night 3 No Milk

After the whole long nap thing today we extended bed time.. With a hyper child it was interesting.

9:13pm - said good night and he quickly moved his pillow to the floor. Why in God's green earth does my child want to sleep on the floor? Quiet until right this very minute... Faking a cough.. He's so dramatic! Went in checked on him and told him to go to sleep. 9:22pm

10:00pm - STILL awake but mostly quiet on floor by doorway, yawning and moaning occasionally to let me know he's still there.

10:20pm - Awake.. And moaning....

10:30pm - Asleep - legs across threshold, held on pillow on his knees butt up in air. Is that seriously comfortable? We moved him to his bed!

1:21am - And here I sit once again... Does he not realize he has only been asleep for 3 hours? Came into my bed room and when asked why he was there he said he wanted to lay with me. WHERE has he been for the last 9 nights? Has he learned NOTHING??........ grrrr... Back to his room we shuffle.. He grabs his pillow and back to the floor he goes! Why do we as parents bother spending money on beds?

5:12am- Woke crying (still on floor) but never got up just got loud. I got up and told him he only had an hour till the sun came up and to go back to sleep. He cried loudly he wanted milk in the dark. LOL... I said no.. He got louder. I walked away........ He cried for another minute. I stated in a stern voice from computer chair. "GO TO SLEEP, ALEX". Cried for another 30 seconds and is quiet now..... We shall see!

6:15am - Rick was getting to walk out the door and Alex got up in our bed and asked for Milk of all things if you can imagine...... So since the sun was officially up he stayed in bed with me 1/2 sleeping 1/2 driving me crazy.

Day 9 and he STLL got up 2x!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When will this maddness stop? sigh........................

My Sleep Quandary!

It seems I am in a sleep quandary. Everywhere I turn people are talking about their sleep habits or their children's sleep habits. It's amazing how focused we become on something and soon it's all we are hearing. Today I walked into a restaurant to order lunch and sure enough there on the news blazing for the entire world to see "When should children leave their parents bed". I wanted to slam my head on the counter. Dear lord people Don't DO IT!!!! I NEVER would have dreamed about taking a perfectly normal healthy infant into our bed to make it a "family bed". Alex and his heart monitor sang a different tune. I have decided to warn all pregnant woman to NEVER say while watching another Mommy in action "I will NEVER do that". Because By golly that is EXACTLY what you will be doing 2 years from now. Become a Mother makes you do the most insane things. For example would you ever ever imagine cupping your hands to catch throw up just to make your clean up job a little easier? Or sleeping straight up in a recliner for nights on end while your infant struggles to digest his milk and vomits on you again and again? How about using your t-shirt as a tissue while your child is playing in the park? And of course my personal favorite who in their right mind would ever say oh yeah I am going to get up every 3 hours and stick to horns to my breasts and pump milk out of them as if your someone's personal cow. Yeah me too..... Yet I have done every single one of these things and then some I am not daring enough to list. Kids... They make parents do the most insane things.

Today when I went to pick Alex up from school the teacher came out and said he was a dead log on his nap mat. WHAT! Seriously? She told me he was complaining all day how tired he was and crashed at nap time. WOW.. He's been going to school here since September and this has never happened before. So I go in and pick him up thinking he would wake up and whoa... He didn't. Into the car and he barely even lifted his head. He really was tired. We got home and it is gorgeous out today so I opened my house door and the van door and let him sleep. I kept expecting him to walk in any minute. Nope... Finally I went out and picked him up thinking this will wake him for sure! Yeah.. Not so much. He slept from 1 to 5:30! And that is with me moving him 2x! My poor baby. First let me just say this is VERY unusual. Whoa... I don't know if it's just from us changing his sleep pattern.. Finally sleeping better thus his body wants more? Getting sick?? I just don't know!!! Normally I would have never let him do this but it was so rare and he was so out... I figured he must REALLY need it.

Tonight I will push his bedtime back some so that it can adjust from this long long nap! We forced him awake and he still wanted to sleep more. Bed time is going to be really interesting............................

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Day 8 the next test!

Day 8 Sleep Shuffle Wednesday Night 5-10-06
Night 2 NO MILK!

8:20pm - Kissed good night and told him I would sit at my computer and before I could say more he asked if I would check on him every 5 minutes. LOL.. I agreed I would and left with him fussing at me.

8:26pm - Amazing how quickly he picks up a new sleep crutch for an old one! He cried and wanted me to again to sit just outside the door. I told him he's a big boy and I am right down the hall and he can do it. I again kissed him good night.

8:38pm - I turned my head and saw Alex laying silently right outside his door with his pillow and blanket staring at me. We made an agreement that he could lay on his floor but was NOT allowed to leave his room. I rolled up a towel and told him that was his gate, that if he crossed it without permission I would get the real gate out from storage. He took his pillow, blanket and dog and made a bed right behind the towel. Kissed him good night...... Again..............

8:46pm - Alex yells out "Mama I can't fluff my blanket to cover my feet help me". I walk in cover him up and tell him to go to sleep.

9:08pm - Went to check on floor, awake but quiet! We exchanged no words...

9:30pm - Asleep on floor, I picked him up and moved him to his bed. He did not wake up!

12:26am - Alex comes into my room, I walk him back he begs to me to lay on the floor. I repeat go to sleep I'll come check on you in 5 minutes.

5:00am - I cannot believe he actually slept until now! It's a miracle. Spent about 1 min. Crying about wanting milk until Rick yelled from his bed "Alex your okay". It's been silent since then. He told me milk and the sun do not go together. LOL....

Day 7 yet it feels like Day 1

Day 7 sleep shuffle.... Tuesday Night 5-9-06
Day 1 No Milk!

Once again we went through our routine... And I took my place just outside the door.. I was beyond tired and actually fell asleep there waiting for Alex to fall asleep. He fussed some about wanting Daddy but I held my ground. Rick got me up at about 8:40 asking me if I now preferred the floor to our bed. I had to laugh as I am starting to not care where I sleep as long as I sleep. I crawled into bed and was out! I slept uneasy with a lot of wakings.. I kept looking at the clock thinking oh God he's going to wake me up any minute.. I need to sleep! 3:00 and he did wake me up with a quick tap on my shoulder. He took my hand and back to bed he went.. He told me once again he wanted Milk and I explained he couldn't have milk until the sun came up! I offered him water and he freaked, screaming at me. I told him I was sorry, I loved him, and that he could do this. And took my place on the floor.... Only I couldn't sleep... So I sat at my computer! LOL... 30 minutes later he was up again! Same thing...... This time I laid on the floor.. He cried for about 5 minutes and quieted down... Then asleep. 30 minutes later again only louder this time... I got up and told him he needed to go to sleep that the sun would not come up faster by crying! I gave him his snuggly dog and went back to my spot in the hallway. Once I knew he was asleep I went to bed at about 4:30. He got in bed with us at 6:20, he got milk and the two of us slept until 7:45.

It's going to get better right??

I am at the section in the Good Night sleep tight book about medical issues. Sadly out of all the issues listed we have dealt with 5 of the 9 issues! Reflux, Colic, Asthma, Ear infections, Apnea, and most likely ADHD which 2 doctors have said they feel he has. I worry that he will need a sleep study that in a month we will STILL be doing this. If so.. I will call his doctor and get a sleep study done and more testing. BUT I truly am trying to remain positive on this!!

Today - Wednesday 5-10-06

Nap was a BREEZE! I am almost afraid at how easy it was. I laid him in his bed with his milk (he can still have it for nap time), I told him I was going to be at my computer and in 5 minutes I would come check on him. That he needed to stay in his bed! He cried some and I assured him I would be right here! After 5 minutes I went back and he was laying there, eyes open, but IN BED without a sound. I reassured him from the door that he was a good boy and I would be right here and come back in 5 minutes. When I went back he was ASLEEP!
To make sure he doesn't sleep too long I'll wake him up at 3:30!

Pray for us!

I HATE the sleep Lady!

Day 6 - Monday Night 5-8-06 With no nap today Alex was TIRED! Bedtime was 8:00 sharp with me barely even sitting outside in the hallway. He was out in minutes. YIPPEE............... I too was exhausted but had to finish preparing everything for our last Mops meeting the next day. I ended up falling into bed at 10:30. Alex got up 3x during the night after the first 2 of bouncing him back into bed and laying on the floor, when he came in the 3rd time I never even heard him! Rick got up with him and LUCKILY followed all my rules putting him back into bed and laying in the hallway. BUT he did give him milk! Sigh.... He stayed in bed till all of 6:15! Then got up and acted like it was time to run around my bed! Sigh.......................... Will he EVER sleep all night????????

I told Rick that was IT NO MORE MILK!!!! NONE until the sun came up!!!! Gotta pull the plug.

Day 5

Day 5 - Sunday Night 5-7-06 Alex took a nap today but again had a hard time going down as we missed the sleep window. Sigh... We let him sleep for only an hour and then woke him up. Luckily my little neighbor came over so it jolted Alex awake.

Bedtime went much better than the night before.. And he was out in 40 minutes just in time for me to catch Grey's Anatomy! He did fairly well waking only 3 times during the night and going back each time, yet demanding milk. I ended up giving the milk around 4:30ish.

I am starting to think I am going to have to demand no milk. He is FAR to old to be drinking milk at night and it's just not healthy. I think it's a crutch and something his body is trained to think it needs like a pacifier or a special blanket. I think the smack down is quickly coming on this.....................

Night 4 - the slide....

Day 4 - Saturday Night 5-6-06 We went to Market Street today so when we arrived home this afternoon Alex was exhausted yet refused to nap. He took forever to settle down over an hour. In fact I ended up falling asleep on the floor before he fell asleep, But hey at least it was in the hallway and not in his bed!! Rick was outside working and didn't realize I had fallen asleep so we both slept way longer than we should have. Waking up at 5:15. Shoot...... I pushed back bed time by 30 minutes and lights out at 8:30. He was WIRED and over stimulated, over tired and wound up! I had to bring him back to bed 5 times before he even fell asleep. He FINALLY crashed at almost 10:00pm.

The night... Was horrible.. He started his wake up routine at 11:30 and it continued all night long with me spending 98% of my night on the hallway floor and NOT in my bed. He screamed for milk.. Which I finally gave him. Cried for Daddy.. And even moved his pillow and blankets to the edge of the doorway to get closer to me and slept there the rest of the night! It was UGLY....

Day 3 can it be THIS simple?

Day 3 Friday Night 5-5-06

All day Friday we discuss the new bed time routine with Alex. He is on day 3 without taking a nap and seems to be doing well with it, plus bedtime is far less of a struggle. I decide we are doing well so I move to the door jam at bedtime. Once again he is out like a champ. In fact in under 10 minutes. Rick and I actually get to settle down to watch a movie together at a normal hour. I think I might love the Sleep Lady, she is my new best friend. I am getting farther into the book and realize all the ways Rick and I created these bad habits by offering Alex so many excuses, yet were they excuses? The medical stuff was real, soo could he have handled this earlier? IS he still waking at night because that is what his body has been trained to do or something more? The night itself goes a little rougher with 4 wakings, demanding milk, crying, me falling asleep up right in the door jam. Saturday Morning he comes into our room at sun up anounces he slept like a big boy... Gets in our bed, drinks milk and we all sleep together until almost 7am. I am officially exhausted! BUT... According to the sleep lady it takes 2-3 weeks for this to stick........ I am praying I can make it 2-3 weeks!!!!

Day 2 of the Sleep Lady

Day 2 - Thursday Night 5-4-06

Once again we kissed Alex good night, prayed and I sat at the door. Again he was out in 15 minutes I was beginning to think this was far to easy. We had only 2 wake ups during the night both times asking for milk. The 2nd time I gave in and gave it to him. I'm a coward.... Yet I still was refusing to let Rick do any part of the night dealings as he is even weaker than me in this category. The rule is Alex has to wait till he sees light outside in order to get out of bed. When he gets up during the night I walk him back to his room and put him back in bed trying to keep the conversation to almost none. This is actually far harder than it sounds when you have a child demanding answers from you.............. After drinking is milk he sleeps... And stays in his own bed until sun up! YEAH... Once again Rick and I actually awake in the same bed for the first time in years!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The sleep lady takes over!

I have put down my foot, thrown a fit, and demanded to take back my marriage bed from my 3 1/2 year old son Alex. NO MORE family bed.. NO more MILK, and NO MORE having my husband falling alseep in his room only to stay there all night. After all this time I just cannot stand another minute of it and I am tried of making excsuses for his lack of sleep. Sadly after doing a lot of reading I realize just how badly we have failed to teach him in this department. I could list a thousand reason why things have turned out the way they have... but what's the point?

The important thing is that we are turning it around! Last week we started a new sleep "program". The sleep lady is now in charge and I have turned my anguish over to her. So, my next few entries are all going to be journaling our sleep patterns, discoveries, and trials! Hang on as I have found out... it's gets pretty bumpy.

Night One: I let Rick run through the normal routine of reading books, drinking milk, brushing teeth, then... I told Alex that it was time to start sleeping like a big boy and that Mommy and Daddy would no longer be sleeping with him. I started sitting at his bedroom door which went surprisngly well. In fact he didn't even argue! He was out in about 25 minutes without ever getting out of bed or a word from me. He woke up several times but didn't argue too much about being put back into his bed alone..... next step Day 2!

Friday, April 07, 2006

Does Cold Exist?

“Did God create everything that exists? Does evil exist? Did God create evil?”
The university professor challenged his students with this question.
“Did God create everything that exists?"
A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"
"God created everything?" The professor asked. "Yes sir.” the student replied.
The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil , since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then God is evil.”
The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.
Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?"
"Of course", replied the professor.
The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"
"What kind o f question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?"
The students snickered at the young man's question.
The young man replied, “In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-459 F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."
The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"
The professor responded, "Of course it does."
The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."
Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"
Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."
To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It’s like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."
The professor sat down.
The young man's name -- Albert Einstein

Friday, March 31, 2006

Blue Jeans for Babies Day

Today is Blue Jeans for Babies Day here in Columbus, MS! My son and the Mayor signed a proclamation last week declaring it so. It was even on the news. Today around the city we saw lots of people in their yellow shirts honoring all the premature babies who were lost, those who are still fighting, and those like my son who are survivors!!! The Golden Triangle's WalkAmerica is this Sunday with Alex as the ambassador. It has been a hard 3 month push raising funds up to this point. Last year I personally brought in $1,350.00 my original goal this year was $1500.00 and then I got crazy and upped it to $2500.00, then even crazier and took it up to $3500.00! On Thursday I banked my GOAL!!! So for the rest of the year I am now shooting for $4,000. This was our first year with a team, "Team Alex", so when I set our goal at $4,000 the people on our team thought I had lost my mind. Well I am proud to say we brought in just a hair over $5,300.00! Can you imagine how many babies that money can save!!! Thank You Jesus! All things are possible thru Christ! I am mentally exhausted after the past month. Sunday is all about enjoying all that we have done, riding the wave so to speak. If you can give even just the change in your car to the March of Dimes.. Why not step up and give?

It's for the babies.........................

Thursday, March 30, 2006

A moment of Silence.........

Yesterday I got sad news, news I knew was coming soon yet was unprepared to deal with. My friend's niece Ashleigh took her last breaths here on earth. Ashleigh was 4 years old and had been battling neuroblastoma (cancer) for more than 1/2 her young life.
Honestly I had never gotten the chance to meet Ashleigh face to face. Yet her smile reaches out from her pictures grabs your heart and never lets go. Her story has touched thousands upon thousands. Her life will be with so many people forever.
I am thankful as Ashleigh is no longer in agony and her parents no longer have to watch her suffer. Amy & Jeff have been through and seen more in the past 2 years than any parent should have to. I am finding peace in knowing that Ashleigh's last breath was taken in the arms of her loving parents just as she took her first.
It is a comfort to my heart picturing Ashleigh sitting on God's knee with her Angel wings, pain free. No needles, no tubes, no braces nothing but the incredible body God has blessed her with. She is happy and warm at home with her father. I know she is reaching down comforting her family praying for them to go on and find hope knowing they will see her again.
What makes me sad and afraid is that I do not think Amy & Jeff have accepted Christ into their hearts. Who are they finding comfort in? Who is being their rock during this painful time? Do they believe Ashleigh is in heaven sitting with our Father? I am praying for their hearts and for comfort for them.

Please join me in a moment of silence for Ashleigh...............

Let us Pray

Dear Heavenly Father,
Please pour out the light of your presence on all those who love Ashleigh. Let them see You in a real and tangible way. Father, use her death to open their hearts to You that they may know You are the Comforter and that You have healed their daughter completely and fully.
Father, reveal Your plan for their future. Give them comfort and hope in the midst of their sorrow. Please send someone into their lives that can show Your love and comfort to them. Let their memories of Ashleigh fill their hearts with joy so that they may laugh aloud at the thought of her. Use her precious life and sweet memory for Your honor and glory that Amy and Jeff and others in Ashleigh's family may come to know You.
Father, Your word says that all of our days were ordained before one of them came to be. We also know that You use all of the circumstances of our lives to work Your greatest good in us. Father, I claim these promises for Ashleigh's family, that in the midst of these circumstances, they will seek You with all of their hearts, that You will set their feet on the rock, and that You will be their joy, their peace, and their hope when they have none.
In Jesus Name,

(Thank you to my friend Renee for hearing Christ and writing this for me)

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Midnight and I should be in bed!

My friend Stacy in Kansas city, MO sent me an IM the other day (before my computer crashed) telling me I needed to update my blog that she felt that was the only way she knew what was happening in my life lately and it had been too long.

Then my friend Alyssa in Sacramento sent me an e-mail telling me she felt disconnected and was growing in unrest in the miles between us. She then filled me in on all the happenings in her life. All the yuck and joy I was missing out on.

To top it all off tonight my friend Lori now in Colorado Springs sent me a blip from my blog from February saying she needed "some familiar time with a dear friend - so I found it in your blog".

YIKES people..... This was a wake up call clearly I have been FAR too busy. I promise all 3 of you I am still very much alive and kicking. The past month God has sent me on a journey. Because of my son Alex we are the Ambassadors for the March of Dimes WalkAmerica here in Columbus. God has deeply stamped it on my heart this month to get out there and give the gift He gave me back to others. This was WHY he gave me Alex. It was a tool..
So.. Off I went on a fundraising mission of sorts! It started with a little yard sale that grew and grew and grew until you could no longer see out my son's play room windows. My kitchen table, floor, and counters became tagging stations full of pink, green, yellow little dots with prices on them. I lost pens, tags, cups, the house and often my mind in the pile of stuff that people began donating for this "little" yard sale. Yet god pushed me further. He kept whispering in my ear to drive on when I thought I had no strength left. He cleared my mind when exhaustion set in. He lifted me up when I became disappointed. He clearly told me in no uncertain terms this was my mission. Soooo I drove forward at 100 mph. Several times I wanted to bag the entire idea and then he would send an angel my way often in the form of an 80 pound red head full of His raw energy and love. It never failed to make me smile.
So on Saturday I pulled off my largest fundraising to date! A HUGE GIGANTIC yard sale! The greatest gift I got was people who were getting nothing in return showing up at 6am with huge smiles to work for the day donating their time, sweat and love. This was more than I could ask for. The newspaper came and took pictures, over 100 people came up my driveway several on numerous trips, and over $1300.00 passed through our hands. $500.00 was raised for the March of Dimes and donated to "Team Alex".
During the past month God kept scolding me that my personal goal was not high enough. I originally started it at $1500.00, because last year we raised $1300.00 and I thought that was a goal I could "handle". When fundraising started off really slow I dropped my numbers down to $700.00 thinking maybe after hurricane Katrina and all maybe I needed to offer a lot more Grace to those hurting. Then God and I spoke and I moved it to $2500.00. My husband thought I was mad, He still thinks I might be. Yet God assured me it was "doable", he prompted me that this was my mission. IF by speaking out about my near death experience some like to call child birth, could raise money and help prevent one Mamma from having to experience the agony of the NICU, I HAD to do everything in power to make it happen. Even if I don't hit that $2500.00 goal by Thursday morning (bank day for my walk), I know God has helped me shift minds and hearts. I know that together we have touched lives, minds and hearts. For many people I pray prematurity is just a word they will only be able to relate to "the Hocutts", but for those who will unwillingly be sucked into the ugly world of fear called the NICU I pray the memory of my sons face, laughter, and light will give them strength, hope, and faith in their darkest hour. THANK YOU God for the incredible gift of my son Alex.

To my friends... Stacy, Alyssa & Lori... Thank you! Thank you for allowing me time to wander into my March of Dimes world knowing I would return to you a better and deeper person. Thank you for allowing me to ramble at times and make no sense. Thank you for forgiving me for not being the best of friend during moments you may have needed me. Thank you for loving me, giving me strength, and reminding me why I do what I do. I know none of you will be physically here with us next Sunday as we drive off after church to "do" the walk, but you each will be with me in my heart.

I often pray for each one of you, thanking God for the blessings he has given me. You each have played very key roles in my life, ones that are unforgettable. So as I wake up next Sunday morning sad that you all won't get to experience the day with us I will remind myself of all the things God has blessed our friendship with.

Alyssa - you drove over 500 miles with a 2 month old to hold my hand at my baby shower, 2 days after out finding how sick I was you sat on the floor while I laid with my feet up on the couch scared, afraid and crying. You worked your butt of when I gave birth sending "lil" hand made hats for my tiny little son. You sent my first sign of God in the form of a St. Christopher pendant to pin to Alex's blanket in the incubator.

Stacy - You listened as my colicky son drove me over the edge, as the throw up spilled time and time again to the floor you promised me it would get better. You made me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry. You gave me hope when I thought there was none. You gave me advice when I truly had no one else to turn too. You flew miles to be make good on a bet you had lost (smirk). You prayed like never before with each visit to the doctors, hospital and neurosurgeon showing me God's answers to prayers before I even realized it.

Lori - My soul shaker.... You helped me lift my hand, my heart and my son to God. You helped me put answers to my most painful questions. You were there as I met Christ face to face. You gave me faith when I had none. You lifted me up and placed me on my rock reaching out to catch me every time I started to slide off. You became my sons second mother, offering him advice, love, and laughter. You became the older sister I had wished for all my life.

THANK YOU to my deepest set of friends.... For loving me with the good, the bad and the ugly! Thank you for sharing my deepest fears and my happiest moments with me. Thank you for loving me when I have felt unlovable. You each have stamped yourselves in my soul forever.

I AM BACK..... (of course it's 1:00am so I think I better go back to bed)!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Day 2 and I'm a Lent Failure!

Yep.. I blew it.. Day 2 and I drank soda. Picture an ostrich sticking it's head in the sand right about now! But.. In my meek and horrible defense I have been up since 4:30 am with my whiney 3 year old who was crying for milk. .... Gulp .... Soooo I really drank the soda out of desperation for caffeine. I HAD to have it for the safety of my family. Would have it been better if I went and had a coffee (which I don't drink) because I didn't give that up for Lent? Technically your really not suppose to trade one bad habit for another. I guess... I ask for forgiveness for being weak, broken, selfish, and for not having an ounce of self will power. Tomorrow is a new day with a new sunrise and a new beginning! Thank you Lord for that.

Ohhh and did I mention that my lovely 3 year old then proceeded to whip a hanger across the room with the accuracy of a sharp shooter nailing my soda, spilling it's glorious wild cherry Pepsi contents all over my keyboard??? Ohhhh yeah... God showed me, through my child no less. Gotta love that! Gone... Wasted away.... And NOW to make matters worse my letters are sticking and my F barely works. Good thing I gave up swearing because that F would be really useful about now. Grrrrrr...............

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Giving Up for Christ

Ash Wednesday is tomorrow and Lent begins... Lent is a season of soul-searching and repentance. It is a season for reflection and taking stock. What are YOUR plans during Lent? Are you giving something up? Or maybe praying daily for someone?

Q: What are appropriate activities for ordinary days during Lent?

A: Giving up something we enjoy for Lent, doing of physical or spiritual acts of mercy for others, prayer, fasting, abstinence, going to confession, and other acts expressing repentance in general.

Q: Is the custom of giving up something for Lent mandatory?

A: No. However, it is a salutary custom, and parents or caretakers may choose to require it of their children to encourage their spiritual training, which is their prime responsibility in the raising of their children.

I have thought a lot about what I am going to give up during this time and I came up with 2 things that are causing me to falter in my walk with God.

1. Give up all soda - I drink this in excess and it is becoming detrimental to my health. The soda controls me instead of me controling it.

2. Swearing - I have a horrible mouth and truly need to Sanctify my mouth. Bite my tongue until it bleeds.

Q: Is there such a thing as denying ourselves too many pleasures?

A: Most definitely. First, God made human life contingent on certain goods, such as food, and to refuse to enjoy enough of them has harmful consequences. For example, if we do not eat enough food it can cause physical damage or (in the extreme, even death). Just as there is a balance between eating too much food and not eating enough food, there is a balance involved in other goods.

Second, if we do not strike the right balance and deny ourselves goods God meant us to have then it can generate resentment toward God, which is a spiritual sin just as much as those of engaging in excesses of good things. Thus one can be led into sin either by excess or by defect in the enjoyment of good things.

Third, it can decrease our effectiveness in ministering to others.

Fourth, it can deprive us of the goods God gave us in order that we might praise him.

Fifth, it constitutes the sin of ingratitude by refusing to enjoy the things God wanted us to have because he loves us. If a child refused every gift his parent gave him, it would displease the parent, and if we refuse gifts God has given us, it displeases God because he loves us and wants us to have them.

"Lent offers us all a very special opportunity to grow in our relationship with God and to deepen our commitment to a way of life, rooted in our baptism. In our busy world, Lent provides us with an opportunity to reflect upon our patterns, to pray more deeply, experience sorrow for what we've done and failed to do, and to be generous to those in need."

I am wishing you time of blessings and prayer during the next 40 days! So, would you like to share with me what you are planning to do during Lent?

Monday, February 27, 2006


After an incredible weekend listening to Beth Moore speak.... I can't get one of the worship songs out of my head. I keep humming it over and over! It's one of those that explains your life, that makes you tap your foot, and bounce your head! Not to mention raise you hands to God feeling free! So... Now I will share it with you!

Shackles by Mary Mary

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
(what’cha wanna do? )
I just wanna praise you
(yeah, yeah)
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
(uh feel me? )
And I’m gonna praise you
(what’cha gondo? )
I’m gonna praise you

In the corners of my mind
I just can’t seem to find a reason to believe
That I can break free
Cause you see I have been down for so long
Feel like all hope is gone
But as I lift my hands, I understand
That I should praise you through my circumstance

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
I just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I’m gonna praise you
I’m gonna praise you

Everything that could go wrong
All went wrong at one time
So much pressure fell on me
I thought I was gonlose my mind
But I know you wanna see
If I will hold on through these trials
But I need you to lift this load
Cause I can’t take it no more

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
I just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I’m gonna praise you
I’m gonna praise you

Been through the fire and the rain
Bound in every kind of way
But God has broken every chain
So let me go right now

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
I just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I’m gonna praise you
I’m gonna praise you
(repeat x3)

Take them off
What’cha gonna do, yeah

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
I just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I’m gonna praise you
I’m gonna praise you

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Hungry for God?

After my post the other day.. I thought the devotional I got today was so fitting to share!!!

Hungry for God
by John Fischer

Our ministry is to serve the needs of believers; our mission is to serve the needs of those who are not presently Christians. The latter can present a problem. You can’t really serve someone if you don’t know them, but being in relationship with those who aren’t Christians can be dangerous. Old habits and old ways of life can come back to haunt us when we are around people who don’t share our desire to follow Christ.

For this reason it may be necessary to keep only Christian friends for a season, but the goal for us all is to be stronger than this. God didn’t save us and leave us on earth to band together and live nice, safe little Christian lives until He returns or we die, whichever comes first. We are here to share the good news of God’s forgiveness with those who don’t know about it yet, and we can’t do that without getting close to people who need it. We need to be close enough to people to know them, love them, identify with their need, and serve them without judging them or losing our own hold on Christ.

How will we do this? A couple suggestions to think about today:

1) don’t ever forget we are all sinners in need of salvation. This will help keep us from a self-righteous and judgmental attitude. We never have a perfect day; we encounter our own need to be saved all the time, because we all sin and fall short of God’s glory. We lead people to Christ, not by reaching down to them from a place of invulnerable perfection, but as one hungry person showing another where the food is.

2) Remember that sin entraps everyone. Our friends who are resistant to Christianity may very well have a soft heart to God and the truth but it’s covered up by a host of things that blind us all like fear, failure, addictions and all sorts of false coping mechanisms. Success, power and wealth can blind us just as easily. We need to ask God for the ability to look past all these distractions to the heart, because at the heart, everyone is hungry for God. We were created that way.

Lord, teach us to see people as you see them. May we not give in to the things that once entrapped us. Make us keen to the lie and hungering for the truth today, and help us to find it even in those who don’t know you. Remind us that we are all children when it comes to you, even the toughest among us. Show us how to love everyone and stay true to you.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Interactive Johari Window

The Johari Window was invented by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in the 1950s as a model for mapping personality awareness. By describing yourself from a fixed list of adjectives, then asking your friends and colleagues to describe you from the same list, a grid of overlap and difference can be built up.

Go to THIS page and pick 5 or 6 words that describe you... then past your link back on my blog under comments and I will add my thoughts too!!!

Here is Mine for you to add your description of me!

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Reaching out....

As a Christian how are you reaching out to others? Many Christians keep themselves in a close knit circle only being friends and helping other Christians! But, is that really what God calls us to do? Close off people who are NOT Christians? Or maybe make our walk a little harder? I have recently found myself to be feeling a bit "too" comfortable in my surroundings yet stepping out seems absolutely scary! Having been a Christian a full year now, I have made friends with woman through out my church and Mops. All God loving woman.... But.. I do have several close "old" friends who have yet to accept Christ, But the catch here is they knew me before I accepted Christ thus I feel comfortable with them. Do we only reach out a helping hand to people in our small group? Or do you stretch it and try to reach out to people who do not know Christ's love like the Bible calls us too? For me, it's scary. Will I be taken advantage of? Will they ask me questions I can't answer? What if God's light isn't shining through me? What if they become a stumbling block for me, or me for them? Sigh... It is such a delicate thread to try and balance on. EGR = Extra Grace Required yep.. Everybody has them.. People in their lives who need a little EGR! I have one right now that is truly skating down my very last nerve. Mostly it's their behavior and I am having to take many many deep breaths. I like her and all, it's just well... Her personality and mine clash slightly! LOL.... I guess that's putting it nicely huh? I am praying for her though and praying for myself in dealing with her! I placed the relationship in God's hands in hopes he will take care of it and move it where ever it needs to go. I think this is another reason I am scared to reach out into the unknown.... They may become my next EGR! Seriously.. What if I reach out to someone and they drive me crazy?? What if they................. The list could get long here! Sigh.... "God help me out here!!! Pack up all my judgments, frustrations, open nerves and send them away. Allow me to accept people for all they show themselves to be. Help me to love everyone even if they are different from me, even if they don't believe what I believe, even if drive me crazy! I am opening up both hands lord, and handing over all my relationships, allowing you to take the reins and steer me in the right direction! It's in your son's name we pray - Amen"

Friday, February 17, 2006

Superficial Religious Badge...

How do you wear your badge?

What exactly does it mean to wear a superficial religious badge...

All my life one thing I have always been told is that I am "real". Take it or leave it I am who I am. At times this hasn't been a good thing, but often it is. I never pretend to be someone I'm not. Nor do I feel like I need to wear a special badge that screams out I have it all together! I guess, I don't understand why some people feel they must? We recently discussed this during a bible study, and maybe it's because I haven't been a Christian long enough? I am still new enough that I don't feel the need to say I know it all? I totally get God?

One day I may look back at this point and say.. ohhhh totally wore my badge today But I am hoping I never have too!

This is what we were reading to start this conversation:

Catalyst: Groupzine a study for next generation leaders


One of 4 occupational hazards that spiritual leaders often face: Listed below is just one of those

The spiritual professional:

"We perceive spirituality as our job. As a spiritual "professional", we view our realtionship with God and others as our job. We attempt to feed others something we're not consuming ourselves. Those who are invovled in ministry, whether as a volunteer or as a pastor, are most susceptible to this. Our spirituality becomes a 9 am to 5 pm deal, or an "every Sunday" event where we try to turn on our relationship with God on demand. Since people expect us to be "spiritual" , we fall into the trap of saying the right spiritual cliche at the right time to meet those expectations. Our life is no longer filled with genuine love for God, but rather with appropriate expressions of spirituality."

So today... tomorrow and the day after that.. work totake off your spiritual badge! Be real with those around you. People are more likely to see Christ working through you when your not pretending to be something your not.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Yeah for hump Day!

Yeah.. I made it to Wednesday. I had an insane week last week. Giving my testimony on Saturday went better than I could have expected. The responses were great... My testimony was given not to be enjoyed but to learn from it. God knows I have learned a lot from it! LOL.... Our weekend was non stop with Tea & Treasures, 2 birthday parties plus we worked both services at Church. Then Tuesday was a Mops meeting so I think today is the first day I have sat still for more than 10 minutes.

Oh and joy of all joy... Bible study is at my house tonight and it seriously looks like a tornado struck my house. Bahhh... whoops! Oh well... I have the afternoon right?

The count down to Lori leaving is on! 6 days... ugh.. The packers are there as we speak. She is in a tunnel. I feel so bad as everyone is thinking about themselves and what they are loosing but we are only loosing one person, Lori is loosing all of us and heading to an unknown place. Well, not totally unknown I mean her brother lives near by.... but you all know how it is with family!!! eeekkkk.....
I am coming to a better place with her leaving although I am deeply sad, I know we will stay in touch (since I taught her to use IM and all). Now we both just need to invest in a webcam. Also I am realizing that I kind of latched on to her and maybe didn't give my fullest attention to other people around me, so plan on trying to deppen some friendships that may currently be just surface friendships. If that makes any sense whats so ever! Yesterday was her last Mops meeting which will just be weird as I don't know the new coordinator as well, and Lori was my sounding board for everything I did with the Moppets. I am excited to see what God has in store for Lori in Colorado - did I mention that's where the Mops Headquaters are????? And also what he has in store for our friendship, and my time here in Columbus! It will be very interesting indeed!
So for now we won't say goodbye but rather just See you later!!

I have another busy weekend ahead of me! So hopefully I will get another chance to blog soon!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Can a Tuesday actually be worse than a Monday?

BLAH.............................. There it is, can you see it?? I just vomited all over the page! Now, I am not talking about sick vomit I am more talking like one of those minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, life, type of vomit! I just had one of those days where I seriously should have just gone back to bed! My day was... moody.. irritable... depressing!

So my good friend.. no my best friend here in Columbus, Lori is moving on the 21st. sigh.. Seriously just typing that makes me cry. Her husband is Air Force and after 3 years here they are off to Colorado Springs. I try to keep picturing what life here without will be like and honestly it is beyond depressing. Lori was my first friend here, and she scooped me up and took me and my family in. Sigh... I feel like without her here why stay.. BUT... God keeps yelling back at me that my time here isn't done yet just her's. humph.... Some days I really wish I were deaf. Lori is one of those people who is a soul shifter. Her smile lights up every room she walks in too. Compassion oozes from her pores. Her laughter is contagious - One that echo's through out the house and gives you giggles when you hear it. Lori is raw, real, humble, brillant, honest, & worthy. My friendship with her has been life altering, life shaking, life waking. She held my hand as I reached up to Christ, and even when it shooked she held tight and safely placed my heart into God's hands. She has been the big sister I have always dreamed of having. The most amazing thing about Lori is she knows my deepest darkest secrets yet she still loves me, to me that is what a true friend is all about.

I am sad............................ I think it stinks and I am stamping my foot on the ground and throwing a temper tantrum like a 3 year old. Pout..... There should be a law against your favorite friends moving away. I think I might need to out law it here in Mississippi and FAST. The 21st is days away. Honestly, I'm scared I just won't be able to do this Christian thing without her.
(yikes did I seriously just type that? maybe I should delete it?) I know life will go on but my life will never be the same.

My child was a weepy emotional mess today. Ugh.. is this normal for 3 year old boy's? Holy sensitive boy. Maybe he too realizes his friends Kendall, Garrett, and Dillion are leaving him too. He has been so clingy the past few days. I feel like I just need space to breathe. God love him...

Saturday is our Mops tea & treasure, and I am sharing my testimony. This is not something you can really practice. This is something you must pray deeply about. My story isn't pretty. It is raw.. real.. emotional.. overwhelming even for me. I wear my heart on my sleeve along with my hurts and accomplishments. There will be 3 of us speaking and by far mine is the "ugliest". Each one is just so different it is amazing how God does that, and I am hoping that we each connect with at least one person in that room. I am praying, I am stressing, I need to pray and just turn it over to God but I am struggling with that. I need to trust in HIM and less in me. Ugh.. why is that so easy in thought yet so hard to accomplish???

Good Night my friends.. my Wednesday actually feel like a Wednesday!

Friday, February 03, 2006

Gosh when did my life get so boring?

So I got a note today that I needed to update my blog. I have been sitting here thinking what I have to write about, and honestly I can't come up with anything interesting. WHEN did my life get so boring.. so BLAH????

Alex and I are home sick with head colds. He was up at 4am vomiting snot. Always lovely. I have no energy to clean or do laundry and he refuses to nap. Ahhhh the life of a three year old. Such joys!

We once again are working with the March Of Dimes. Alex will be the Ambassador for the Columbus walk on April 2nd. We went yesterday to the kick off for fundraising and of course Alex was my ham. Eating up the people and the camera too! He is beyond my expectations. I am hoping to out do myself from last year. My goal for Spring 2006 is 1500.00. It will be a stretch but one I am going for! If you would like to donate or walk with us please visit our walk page!

Will update again soon!

Friday, January 27, 2006

Who would have thought it!

God truly blows my mind every day. Honestly... I started working in November for my church 12 hours a week as the office assistant. I figured this would be an "easy" job and something for me to fill time while Alex was at preschool. Plus the extra money was very much needed. God took that "thought" and blew it out of the water. Technically this is right up my alley. The computer, organization, etc is what I have trained to do. BUT, it's the other side of my job I did not expect. Spiritually it has given me such a deeper look into why I have chosen God as my Father. I have also taken huge strides in my every day life. Small things like the way I parent Alex, or tackle our bills, or my household chores. Even how I am as a wife. It's as if the dots are connecting and starting to actually draw me a picture of what a life with Christ actually looks like. I really look forward to coming to work and to see what God has in store for me next. Let me just say... it is not always easy things either. For me there has been a lot of gut checking and things like that. I love how God always hands me the unexpected! Amazing.......

Saturday, January 14, 2006

A friendly Reminder from God!

Yep.. yesterday God decided to let me know he hears me! I had a SERIOUS God moment.

A little back ground... Rick and I are struggling financially and have been for some time. We have been praying a lot lately about it and really trying to turn it over to God.

I was at my office yesterday and the phone rings and it's my old co-worker Michelle from California (who I haven't spoken to in 6 months, and I have no clue how she got my work number)! We small talk some and then she busts out with that she was in deep prayer the other day and God told her to send me money.................................................... UHHH WHAT???????????

She responds that God placed my name before her and that God said I was hurting for money and that she should send me some.

Shocked doesn't even begin to describe my emotions. Floored..... agast.... blown away... Yeah.... totally!!!!

So she is sending me a check.... whoa......

God really does talk to people if you listen.. and God really does hear you if you pray and have faith!

The Martha is Mightier than the sword!

Make your name a slogan.... let me know what you get!

A silly game for a Saturday!

Monday, January 09, 2006


Why is it I get so easily irritated with others. It is not as if I expect perfection as I am far from perfect and have my own faults. I just get angry... When I am not listened too! It's as if I speak and they act like they hear me yet their actions speak so much louder than my own words. I HATE being dismissed because I am a female, because they have their own agenda, or because I am younger than them. Don't ask me what I want and then do your own thing anyway - how irritating!!!! It just PISSES me off!

Another thing that makes me MAD is when people are time wasters! Like you have something great planned yet they don't plan in advance, wait till the last minute and then rush around like an idiot, forget 1/2 of what they need and then blame me for it because they were "rushed". If you ask me what time do you want to leave and I say 8:00. That means I will be in the car ready to go at 8:00 NOT 10:30 people!!! PLAN IN ADVANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

While I am on a bitchfest and working some aggression out here let me just say I cannot stand it when people act like their marriage is bliss or try to give Rick and I marital advice when they have NUMEROUS affairs in their history that they don't know WE KNOW ABOUT!!!! Grrr do they think we are stupid??? Makes me MAD!!!!!

Oh and just a little news flash, when I am pissed off.. DON'T TOUCH ME!!!!!! It just makes me even madder. I am NOT a touchy feely type of person, I have serious person space issues and if you enter my space you might get smacked!!!! The only person allowed to enter my space is my husband. That's it.. No one else!

Ohhh..... I think I could go on and on but something inside me is just telling me to stop. I know God wants me to just let it all go but I find that so hard. It's like a wound and it is just full of puss, itchy, and annoying. I truly want to let this anger fade away I guess I just don't know how. Maybe, just maybe... Writing it all out here will help it start to heal..................

Sigh...... Guess I will go shower and try to wash my ugly mood away!