Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Can a Tuesday actually be worse than a Monday?

BLAH.............................. There it is, can you see it?? I just vomited all over the page! Now, I am not talking about sick vomit I am more talking like one of those minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, life, type of vomit! I just had one of those days where I seriously should have just gone back to bed! My day was... moody.. irritable... depressing!

So my good friend.. no my best friend here in Columbus, Lori is moving on the 21st. sigh.. Seriously just typing that makes me cry. Her husband is Air Force and after 3 years here they are off to Colorado Springs. I try to keep picturing what life here without will be like and honestly it is beyond depressing. Lori was my first friend here, and she scooped me up and took me and my family in. Sigh... I feel like without her here why stay.. BUT... God keeps yelling back at me that my time here isn't done yet just her's. humph.... Some days I really wish I were deaf. Lori is one of those people who is a soul shifter. Her smile lights up every room she walks in too. Compassion oozes from her pores. Her laughter is contagious - One that echo's through out the house and gives you giggles when you hear it. Lori is raw, real, humble, brillant, honest, & worthy. My friendship with her has been life altering, life shaking, life waking. She held my hand as I reached up to Christ, and even when it shooked she held tight and safely placed my heart into God's hands. She has been the big sister I have always dreamed of having. The most amazing thing about Lori is she knows my deepest darkest secrets yet she still loves me, to me that is what a true friend is all about.

I am sad............................ I think it stinks and I am stamping my foot on the ground and throwing a temper tantrum like a 3 year old. Pout..... There should be a law against your favorite friends moving away. I think I might need to out law it here in Mississippi and FAST. The 21st is days away. Honestly, I'm scared I just won't be able to do this Christian thing without her.
(yikes did I seriously just type that? maybe I should delete it?) I know life will go on but my life will never be the same.

My child was a weepy emotional mess today. Ugh.. is this normal for 3 year old boy's? Holy sensitive boy. Maybe he too realizes his friends Kendall, Garrett, and Dillion are leaving him too. He has been so clingy the past few days. I feel like I just need space to breathe. God love him...

Saturday is our Mops tea & treasure, and I am sharing my testimony. This is not something you can really practice. This is something you must pray deeply about. My story isn't pretty. It is raw.. real.. emotional.. overwhelming even for me. I wear my heart on my sleeve along with my hurts and accomplishments. There will be 3 of us speaking and by far mine is the "ugliest". Each one is just so different it is amazing how God does that, and I am hoping that we each connect with at least one person in that room. I am praying, I am stressing, I need to pray and just turn it over to God but I am struggling with that. I need to trust in HIM and less in me. Ugh.. why is that so easy in thought yet so hard to accomplish???

Good Night my friends.. my Wednesday actually feel like a Wednesday!

2 comments:

YankeeAmanda said...

Breathe - ready? In...Out...In...Out...

I know, it's gonna be rough. Living in a town with a military base can be painful for those of us who aren't forced to move so frequently. But just think - God doesn't create a hole unless He intends to fill it. I hate this part of the plan, but that's the way it is and I'm learning to trust Him in it.

Call if you need to vent!

M said...

Every time we made a friend, a really good friend, they'd move away. Dave & I used to think that maybe we should just keep to ourselves and not let anybody new in, so we wouldn't get hurt.

Later, (like a few years) we decided that maybe our job here on Earth was to love these people so well that they could leave when it was time for them to go. It still hurts, but we are making sure that when one of our friends leave, we stay in touch.

Just think of the great time you will have when you go visit her in Colorado Springs. We've been there. Totally worth the trip. Much love and affection to you. m.