Africa? Africa? AFRICA???

Every now and again (okay more now than then but whatever it's my blog), God has these crazy conversations with me. I mean seriously crazy and I start checking not only my sanity but His too. It started several months ago maybe around December. My Best Friend Lori was turning 40 and her husband Trent was paying her way to go on a Mission Trip to Africa with our church. I tossed around the idea of going but God quickly put me in my place that I was only thinking about it because she was going. Well.. DUH.. 3 weeks kid free with my best friend on a crazy adventure... OF COURSE that's what I was thinking. Well, God as you can imagine was NOT pleased with my thought process and rightly told me so. Sigh.. no Africa trip for me in 2008.

Well, then my son (being the future Baptist Preacher that he is) begins the nightly ritual of praying for the people in Africa but especially the children. I mean he REALLY prays for them. He wants them all to have shoes, more than just rice to eat, a warm bed and most importantly someone to hug every day. Alex began to save part of his "commission" (aka: allowance) for the children in Africa. Every time he outgrows something he tells me to bag it up for the kids in Africa.

I started wondering if God was trying to tell me something through Alex. So I really started listening and praying hard with Alex. I asked God if he had a message for me to make it clear.

Now stay with me here.... this all makes sense in my head but typed out.. well who knows!

For the past 6 months not a day has gone by that something hasn't prompted my attention and prayers for Africa. A website link, a newspaper ad, a TV show, my son in his 100 questions. The interesting part is that it is always kid related.. always.

About a month ago I was in my room folding laundry and Alex comes in, climbs up on my bed for a "chat". I can always tell when it's gonna be serious because he gets comfy and looks very serious. Here is how the conversation went:

Alex: Mama, God told me that I was going to get a "chocolate brother"

Me: umm really? a chocolate one huh?

Alex: yes from Africa

Me: Ok

Alex: no I am serious and you have to go get him!

Me: Alex, Africa is very far away and very expensive to get there. You can't just go and pick a baby put him in a suitcase and fly home with a baby.

At this point I have gone from aww he's so cute to ohh man he's going to get his heart broken.

Alex: Mama, I'm not worried God will take care of it all. You just listen okay?

Me: Umm Okay Alex but be patient okay? And know it's God's will no matter what. I Love you and you are my forever boy.

Alex: climbs down and leaves the room saying YEAH I'm getting a chocolate brother!!

(Slapping forehead)... OHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say I have told others this story with the "awe Alex said the cutest thing"... But now I wonder if it isn't something more?

I have been feeling more and more drawn to go to Africa on our teams next trip in July 09'. Every time I begin to argue with why I CANNOT GO.. God responds.... ugh.... WHY does HE always respond?? lol

Let me just lay it out here as t why I cannot go to Africa......

1. $$$$$$$ JUST to go it's $5,000 not to mention spending money etc and all the things I don't know about, hidden fees etc.

2. It's a 3 week trip.. I CANNOT leave my son and husband for that long!

3. Who in the world would take care of Alex while I am gone and Rick's at work?

4. Who would do my job (at work) for 3 weeks?

5. I would need a mess of shots $$$$$

6. I need a Visa $$$$

7. I would need Luggage?? $$$

8. I would need different clothes $$$$$

9. What if I am not spiritually ready?

10. How am I a "baby" Christian suppose to minister to others when I can barely minister to myself??

11. What if it crushes my spirit?

12. What if I actually get touched instead of me touching them?

13. What if I cannot function because of the food?

14. What if I get sick?

Okay.. I think you get the picture of my own personal battle. So, what I need from all of you is prayer. Please pray for guidance and for me to just be still and rely on God and not myself.

Is God serious??? He wants ME to go to Africa to love on the baby's???????????